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Temptation Wears a Red Dress Pin
Many of you might know that, currently, I work as a cashier for a local restaurant. It can sometimes be a fast paced job, with unique diabetes adventures, as well as unique opportunities to meet people. Sometimes, its just an opportunity to see people react weirdly to their environments.
Our restaurant isnt exactly a health venue. Its a local fast food type joint, which has at least, some merits: its privately owned, it makes all of its food fresh-from-scratch, and since its family owned, the people are wonderful to work with. For the most part. Every job has its ups and downs.
I admit Ive never been what you would call -- a people person. But I can be a congenial person, and I do love watching people; studying them in their environments, when they think Im not watching them. Especially as a cashier. Cashiers are like wallpaper to a customer.
One thing which has come as a sort of surprise to me is that most of the people who eat at our restaurant are pretty thin. Theyll order the largest thing in the whole joint, deep fat fried, and a trash-can sized cup of soda. Some come and eat this EVERY DAY. Always looking the same weight. Lucky bastards. Then theres the heavy women. Theyre always ordering salads. A salad, and a cup for water... or a salad, and a diet Coke. And they always look heavy. They never seem to lose weight.
Of course, I dont live with these people -- I dont know what they do or eat when theyre not at our restaurant. Who knows if the thin people go running every day, or if the heavier people go eat their entire rigerators, later. I dont know. But its a very interesting thing to watch. It makes me feel curious about all the accusations people always have for the obese, like they live, and breathe, fast food... and the level of self awareness some of them must have when they dine out.
And speaking of self awareness... a very curious thing happened to me last Monday. This slender, tall, vivacious looking woman approaches the register, and I happily greet her. She makes eye contact with me, and suddenly, starts freaking out: "Please dont judge me for what Im about to order because Im wearing a red dress pin, and Im about to order really unhealthy food." Quite frankly, I hadnt even noticed the red pin. I was simply more intent on getting her order, and getting it right. I tried to reassure her "Oh, dont worry, its okay." She looks at me, half smiles, and places her order: two fried items, with a side of fried tater tots, and soda. Then she says "You know, were allowed to have a treat once in a while." Again, I offer the supportive reply, "Of course. I completely understand." Then she looks flustered, and says "You know what, Im just going to take it off," as if it were an electronic ankle bracelet, from her local parole officer.
So many responses ran through my mind... like "Lady, I dont give two shits about your damn red dress pin." Obviously, I couldnt have used that one. I smiled warmly, and just offered a light-hearted "Oh, dont you worry yourself about it!," and with a side wink, an "I wont tell."
I also thought... Should I have told her "Hey, I have diabetes. I understand?" I didnt do so... I try not to tell people too much about my private life -- mostly, because I can tell people like that wallpaper feeling when they get their food. (I admit, I dont care too much for knowing peoples personal stories when theyre just selling me something.) I also thought to myself, "What if she judges me the way she thought I was judging her?" She might think to herself "Of course she has diabetes... look at where she works!" or "look at how heavy she is!" or some other lame conclusion -- as people often love to believe about us people with type 2 diabetes.
But I have to admit, I was quite surprised at her. She felt guilty, from the pin, and it made her aware of her behavior. It was giving her an accountability -- which was only in her mind, really -- but which was a reminder to herself of how she wasnt taking care of herself.
That this woman was embarrassed because of a disease she didnt even have, and of choices she knew were poor, was quite the irony... She may have the option of removing her red dress pin, and ending the stigma, but people who are obese cant easily remove their weight, and put it away, like some sort of suit, and weird fashion statement. We cant easily shut down the stigma, and judgment, others might give us for our condition -- nor can we cure our diabetes with a green salad and a diet Coke. And I sure as heck wish I could put my diabetes away, like some kind of pin, for when I wanted to eat junk... as Im sure many women with heart disease might wish they could do the same.
And I thought... well, maybe I ought to get a diabetes pin. A pin which always reminds me that I must care for myself. That my health is important... a pin which might make people ask me what it is, perhaps. Blue Fridays is just something meaningless at my workplace, because all my shirts are blue. :-) No one would think to ask, nor could I claim it was my choice. But a blue circle pin, on the other hand... thats a different thing.
A blue circle pin can be awareness, accountability, responsibility, and advocacy. A way to not only remind ourselves of how we matter -- to care for our own bodies -- but to also show others we can do this, and were not afraid to show it. If I feel bad, on a certain day, I can always take it off.
Its an idea, anyway... Do you feel self conscious in front of strangers when you order junk? Pin, or no pin? Some people always seem to emphasize the diet drink, especially. Thats a DIET drink, with the side of fried food. heh Were silly humans, after all.
Were all just so easily embarrassed, I guess.
But perhaps it ought to be a BIG reminder that if we cant handle the imagined stigma of any one disease, even for ONE moment, perhaps we ought to be kind to those who CANT easily remove any of their health challenges, like a pin. We need to give others some empathy, some respect, and some space... Especially, when it comes to occasionally letting their hair down, and tasting life.
Temptation Wears a Red Dress Pin
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Our restaurant isnt exactly a health venue. Its a local fast food type joint, which has at least, some merits: its privately owned, it makes all of its food fresh-from-scratch, and since its family owned, the people are wonderful to work with. For the most part. Every job has its ups and downs.
I admit Ive never been what you would call -- a people person. But I can be a congenial person, and I do love watching people; studying them in their environments, when they think Im not watching them. Especially as a cashier. Cashiers are like wallpaper to a customer.
One thing which has come as a sort of surprise to me is that most of the people who eat at our restaurant are pretty thin. Theyll order the largest thing in the whole joint, deep fat fried, and a trash-can sized cup of soda. Some come and eat this EVERY DAY. Always looking the same weight. Lucky bastards. Then theres the heavy women. Theyre always ordering salads. A salad, and a cup for water... or a salad, and a diet Coke. And they always look heavy. They never seem to lose weight.
Of course, I dont live with these people -- I dont know what they do or eat when theyre not at our restaurant. Who knows if the thin people go running every day, or if the heavier people go eat their entire rigerators, later. I dont know. But its a very interesting thing to watch. It makes me feel curious about all the accusations people always have for the obese, like they live, and breathe, fast food... and the level of self awareness some of them must have when they dine out.
And speaking of self awareness... a very curious thing happened to me last Monday. This slender, tall, vivacious looking woman approaches the register, and I happily greet her. She makes eye contact with me, and suddenly, starts freaking out: "Please dont judge me for what Im about to order because Im wearing a red dress pin, and Im about to order really unhealthy food." Quite frankly, I hadnt even noticed the red pin. I was simply more intent on getting her order, and getting it right. I tried to reassure her "Oh, dont worry, its okay." She looks at me, half smiles, and places her order: two fried items, with a side of fried tater tots, and soda. Then she says "You know, were allowed to have a treat once in a while." Again, I offer the supportive reply, "Of course. I completely understand." Then she looks flustered, and says "You know what, Im just going to take it off," as if it were an electronic ankle bracelet, from her local parole officer.So many responses ran through my mind... like "Lady, I dont give two shits about your damn red dress pin." Obviously, I couldnt have used that one. I smiled warmly, and just offered a light-hearted "Oh, dont you worry yourself about it!," and with a side wink, an "I wont tell."
I also thought... Should I have told her "Hey, I have diabetes. I understand?" I didnt do so... I try not to tell people too much about my private life -- mostly, because I can tell people like that wallpaper feeling when they get their food. (I admit, I dont care too much for knowing peoples personal stories when theyre just selling me something.) I also thought to myself, "What if she judges me the way she thought I was judging her?" She might think to herself "Of course she has diabetes... look at where she works!" or "look at how heavy she is!" or some other lame conclusion -- as people often love to believe about us people with type 2 diabetes.
But I have to admit, I was quite surprised at her. She felt guilty, from the pin, and it made her aware of her behavior. It was giving her an accountability -- which was only in her mind, really -- but which was a reminder to herself of how she wasnt taking care of herself.
That this woman was embarrassed because of a disease she didnt even have, and of choices she knew were poor, was quite the irony... She may have the option of removing her red dress pin, and ending the stigma, but people who are obese cant easily remove their weight, and put it away, like some sort of suit, and weird fashion statement. We cant easily shut down the stigma, and judgment, others might give us for our condition -- nor can we cure our diabetes with a green salad and a diet Coke. And I sure as heck wish I could put my diabetes away, like some kind of pin, for when I wanted to eat junk... as Im sure many women with heart disease might wish they could do the same.
And I thought... well, maybe I ought to get a diabetes pin. A pin which always reminds me that I must care for myself. That my health is important... a pin which might make people ask me what it is, perhaps. Blue Fridays is just something meaningless at my workplace, because all my shirts are blue. :-) No one would think to ask, nor could I claim it was my choice. But a blue circle pin, on the other hand... thats a different thing.
A blue circle pin can be awareness, accountability, responsibility, and advocacy. A way to not only remind ourselves of how we matter -- to care for our own bodies -- but to also show others we can do this, and were not afraid to show it. If I feel bad, on a certain day, I can always take it off.
Its an idea, anyway... Do you feel self conscious in front of strangers when you order junk? Pin, or no pin? Some people always seem to emphasize the diet drink, especially. Thats a DIET drink, with the side of fried food. heh Were silly humans, after all.
Were all just so easily embarrassed, I guess.
But perhaps it ought to be a BIG reminder that if we cant handle the imagined stigma of any one disease, even for ONE moment, perhaps we ought to be kind to those who CANT easily remove any of their health challenges, like a pin. We need to give others some empathy, some respect, and some space... Especially, when it comes to occasionally letting their hair down, and tasting life.
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