Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
OK That Didnt Work But God Did! Amen
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
What didnt work? The idea to substitute fruit for binge ingredients. It really just kind of made things worse. The thing about carbs and craving and binging is that, what you ate a little while ago, or the previous meal, will have an effect on your next meal, or hunger episode. Hello!! Thats why they call it a "binge." Trying to substitute fruit was the same idea as doing medical meth for other drugs. You are still hooked on drugs. I was still hooked on sweets.
I was still out of control, but, oddly enough, my A1C turned out to be 5.5 which is pretty good and below the pre-diabetes level. I was really surprised to see that. That proves to me that I dont need to worry about cooked vegetables as much as I had been lead to believe. Live and learn.
That did not help the weight gain, though, which is the thing that is still haunting me. I have now put back on twenty pounds and am really flabbergasted by that. It happened in one months time and feels like a train wreck to me.
I finally heard the message at church that I needed to turn THIS over to the Lord and ask Him to do for me what I could not do for myself. God is so amazing. I also asked him to point out to me the effects of the binging so I would not forget and begin to think it was OK again.
The first thing I noticed was during a binge on bridge mix and spice drops that I could feel my heart beating in my whole body. My body felt like it was throbbing to the beat of my heart. I purposefully began taking deep relaxing breathes which helped things to calm down. That was the reminder of the "pressure" that is associated with craving and binging. The whole concept of craving is the idea of being forced to go get the item that is being pictured in the head. The pressure is real. The pushing, craving, gnawing is real. Taking deep relaxing breathes helped to reduce the felt pressure.
That night when I tucked into bed, I suddenly noticed my heart felt like it was fluttering very quickly and when I checked my pulse I could not find one. It lasted only a few short seconds, and I have not had one since, but it really shocked me. God was showing me what binging does to my body. That is what I had asked for: knowledge and experience that would not allow me to continue down the wrong path.
The next morning He inspired me with a new concept -- at least it is new for me. I looked and noticed that there is a difference between the lusting pressure for food, (picture the open mouths of little birds clamoring to be fed) and how a mother feeds her family (mother bird feeds properly). The operative word being "feed." I know that if I had had children I would have insisted on feeding them to the highest degree of healthy eating knowledge that I had attained -- just as my own mother did. It involves a responsibility to the ones you are feeding. I believe I would use the guidelines that I know and I would orchestrate the feeding of my family according to it. I realized that that is what I want to do for myself. Instead of "eating", I would be "feeding" me. Feeding also implies healthy and well managed with purpose.
Im not sure I can explain the difference so that someone else will understand what that means to me, but I shall attempt it. This is certainly my own subjective experience but I shall try to shine a light on it, in case it helps some one else, and also so I can remember it myself. So what I need to keep a tight reign on is the difference between the experience of eating which involves, consuming, smelling, tasting, chewing, swallowing, and repeating for the unbridled pleasure of it -- and the idea of feeding myself properly. This is completely subjective. It also involves other feelings in my body that I associate with eating and craving and enjoying food.
So Im choosing to use the terms "consuming", and "feeding." Feeding being a well managed plan, executed in a balanced and healthy manner. Consuming being the act of eating which may include craving and/or binging. Consuming is taking in -- Feeding is watching over and giving.
Ive unconsciously thought of "feeding" as something you do for someone else. You feed your kids. You feed your family. You feed your friends. I, for some odd reason, had never though of "feeding" in a relationship between me and myself. Feeding involves a plan and a purpose. Consuming is about pleasure.
So why could I not get pleasure from a plan and a purpose for feeding me, in the same way I would do for feeding others?
The first time I put the plan into operation was when I went to a buffet with a friend. We both had talked about out of control eating at a buffet which, for me, is the experience of knowing I can choose as much as I want of anything I want, and then being lead only by my eyes -- or the appeal of the presentation. If I saw it and liked it, it would go on my plate (even though I usually still avoid starchy carbs). I did have a sense that I needed salad but the fact that I like it, helped to get it onto my plate. There is also pressure to think that you want to "get your moneys worth."
So we both decided to do it another way. On the outside it probably appeared to be the same, but it was really different inside. We made a point to talk about what each one of us was planning to do, after we paid to get in, but before we began choosing food. In fact we actually made the plan in the car on the way over. My plan was simply to eat only vegetables and meat. His plan was to eat more vegetables and smaller portions.
Then God inspired us to pray for His help to make the right choices and stick to our individual plan. So we were not doing the blessing on the food (yet) we asked God to be in charge of us and our plates before anything was placed on them.
Then we went our separate ways and filled our plates and met back at the table. I did my usual heaped up salad and realized that I did usually follow the plan up to this point. For me the point of departure in the past was always afterwards and involved more portions and desserts. But I had a new plan this time, with the help of God.
When we met at the table we examined each others plates and talked about it a little. He had more vegetables and color on his plate than I had ever seen before. He said he had gone for more vegetables and less meat. Mine looked like it always did, except that I had included some blue cheese dressing mixed with Ranch. I was happy to be on track, and so was he.
Then when the salad plate was done, I decided, before I left the table, that I was going to get some steamed broccoli and meat loaf. I came back with the broccoli and also some brussels sprouts and the aforementioned meat loaf with spaghetti sauce on it for flavor. (I forget what he did.) When I was done eating, leaving a small amount of leftovers (very unusual), my stomach signaled that it was full, and I heard and obeyed. I had no reason to go get any dessert, and actually, it did not seem appealing. I was glad. Thank you Lord.
So the key is the prayer and trusting God -- and the plan and the decision to feed me properly and not eat indiscriminately is what He gave me. Thank you Lord! He never leaves us! Praise God!
Be back soon,
Marcia
I was still out of control, but, oddly enough, my A1C turned out to be 5.5 which is pretty good and below the pre-diabetes level. I was really surprised to see that. That proves to me that I dont need to worry about cooked vegetables as much as I had been lead to believe. Live and learn.
That did not help the weight gain, though, which is the thing that is still haunting me. I have now put back on twenty pounds and am really flabbergasted by that. It happened in one months time and feels like a train wreck to me.
I finally heard the message at church that I needed to turn THIS over to the Lord and ask Him to do for me what I could not do for myself. God is so amazing. I also asked him to point out to me the effects of the binging so I would not forget and begin to think it was OK again.
The first thing I noticed was during a binge on bridge mix and spice drops that I could feel my heart beating in my whole body. My body felt like it was throbbing to the beat of my heart. I purposefully began taking deep relaxing breathes which helped things to calm down. That was the reminder of the "pressure" that is associated with craving and binging. The whole concept of craving is the idea of being forced to go get the item that is being pictured in the head. The pressure is real. The pushing, craving, gnawing is real. Taking deep relaxing breathes helped to reduce the felt pressure.
That night when I tucked into bed, I suddenly noticed my heart felt like it was fluttering very quickly and when I checked my pulse I could not find one. It lasted only a few short seconds, and I have not had one since, but it really shocked me. God was showing me what binging does to my body. That is what I had asked for: knowledge and experience that would not allow me to continue down the wrong path.
The next morning He inspired me with a new concept -- at least it is new for me. I looked and noticed that there is a difference between the lusting pressure for food, (picture the open mouths of little birds clamoring to be fed) and how a mother feeds her family (mother bird feeds properly). The operative word being "feed." I know that if I had had children I would have insisted on feeding them to the highest degree of healthy eating knowledge that I had attained -- just as my own mother did. It involves a responsibility to the ones you are feeding. I believe I would use the guidelines that I know and I would orchestrate the feeding of my family according to it. I realized that that is what I want to do for myself. Instead of "eating", I would be "feeding" me. Feeding also implies healthy and well managed with purpose.
Im not sure I can explain the difference so that someone else will understand what that means to me, but I shall attempt it. This is certainly my own subjective experience but I shall try to shine a light on it, in case it helps some one else, and also so I can remember it myself. So what I need to keep a tight reign on is the difference between the experience of eating which involves, consuming, smelling, tasting, chewing, swallowing, and repeating for the unbridled pleasure of it -- and the idea of feeding myself properly. This is completely subjective. It also involves other feelings in my body that I associate with eating and craving and enjoying food.
So Im choosing to use the terms "consuming", and "feeding." Feeding being a well managed plan, executed in a balanced and healthy manner. Consuming being the act of eating which may include craving and/or binging. Consuming is taking in -- Feeding is watching over and giving.
Ive unconsciously thought of "feeding" as something you do for someone else. You feed your kids. You feed your family. You feed your friends. I, for some odd reason, had never though of "feeding" in a relationship between me and myself. Feeding involves a plan and a purpose. Consuming is about pleasure.
So why could I not get pleasure from a plan and a purpose for feeding me, in the same way I would do for feeding others?
The first time I put the plan into operation was when I went to a buffet with a friend. We both had talked about out of control eating at a buffet which, for me, is the experience of knowing I can choose as much as I want of anything I want, and then being lead only by my eyes -- or the appeal of the presentation. If I saw it and liked it, it would go on my plate (even though I usually still avoid starchy carbs). I did have a sense that I needed salad but the fact that I like it, helped to get it onto my plate. There is also pressure to think that you want to "get your moneys worth."
So we both decided to do it another way. On the outside it probably appeared to be the same, but it was really different inside. We made a point to talk about what each one of us was planning to do, after we paid to get in, but before we began choosing food. In fact we actually made the plan in the car on the way over. My plan was simply to eat only vegetables and meat. His plan was to eat more vegetables and smaller portions.
Then God inspired us to pray for His help to make the right choices and stick to our individual plan. So we were not doing the blessing on the food (yet) we asked God to be in charge of us and our plates before anything was placed on them.
Then we went our separate ways and filled our plates and met back at the table. I did my usual heaped up salad and realized that I did usually follow the plan up to this point. For me the point of departure in the past was always afterwards and involved more portions and desserts. But I had a new plan this time, with the help of God.
When we met at the table we examined each others plates and talked about it a little. He had more vegetables and color on his plate than I had ever seen before. He said he had gone for more vegetables and less meat. Mine looked like it always did, except that I had included some blue cheese dressing mixed with Ranch. I was happy to be on track, and so was he.
Then when the salad plate was done, I decided, before I left the table, that I was going to get some steamed broccoli and meat loaf. I came back with the broccoli and also some brussels sprouts and the aforementioned meat loaf with spaghetti sauce on it for flavor. (I forget what he did.) When I was done eating, leaving a small amount of leftovers (very unusual), my stomach signaled that it was full, and I heard and obeyed. I had no reason to go get any dessert, and actually, it did not seem appealing. I was glad. Thank you Lord.
So the key is the prayer and trusting God -- and the plan and the decision to feed me properly and not eat indiscriminately is what He gave me. Thank you Lord! He never leaves us! Praise God!
Be back soon,
Marcia
There Remains a Rest for the People of God
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Hello my friends,
It has been a long time since I posted anything here. I am not really sure exactly why... I just lost the desire to go on talking about food and eating. It may have had something to do with my reaction to Kevin Giannis "Great Health Debate" where I listened for seven days in a row to two hours per day of two people per day offering their personal and professional points of view concerning the question of "What should people eat to be healthy?" That was not the "official" question -- that is my interpretation.
One thing I noticed when it was all done was that I was exhausted from listening. It really kind of wore me out. That is not to say that I did not enjoy it. Have you ever done something that was really very interesting but when you were done you just did not want to do anything at all that reminded you of it ever again? That is what it has been like for me. I am even dragging a little to begin to write here today, but I got a response from my friend, Brenda to my post about "mindless" eating and Id like to respond to it.
Here is what she said:
As you can see, Brenda and I are both Christians and that is an extremely important part of both of our lives. Brenda is one of the two ladies who began praying for me to be saved and because of that, she is very dear to my heart. Her faith in Jesus and her encouragement to me have touched me many times.
I have very recently had a very amazing spiritual experience. It is very difficult to put into words because I already know that the feelings and experience I want to share lose something in the translation from experience to description. Ive been trying to explain it to myself as practice and I keep coming up short. I am not even sure what lead up to it. I can usually tell a pretty good story, but this time it is different. I will plunge in and see where it ends up.
I cannot pinpoint the time, but I think it may have been Sunday afternoon, that the Lord let me have the experience that I shall describe as of not worrying about improving myself. He showed me that I am not here to make me a better person. Life is about the relationship with the Father. Real life runs on a different time and has a different spirit. For a clear and wonderful few hours I knew what it felt like to not have to strive to make myself better or more acceptable or thinner or more nicely dressed or a better woman or smarter or anything. When that was gone, life was clearly about the relationship with God. I was loved. I simply accepted the life that He provides. It is not about striving with myself. It is about resting in God. I have never felt freedom like that before. It is an entirely different "space." Like none that I have ever noticed before.
Even as it appeared around me I knew it was different immediately. At first I even wondered if I had had a stroke, but I checked and everything was working properly. It was like I had walked into a different dimension -- like going from inside to outside. Inside the air can get stuffy but you dont notice it as stuffy. Youve become accustomed to stuffy and nothing seems wrong with it. But when you open the door on a sunny spring day the air is different. It is fresh. And clean. And pure. It smells good and is very easy to breathe. God was so near. He was the space I walked into and I knew it. I could feel it. I knew He was so close that whatever I said or thought or did, He heard me and He knew me. I did not ever want to leave that space -- and so I prayed that God would keep me there forever. Clearly it was not something that I could accomplish on my own.
Before that happened, last Thursday and Friday I read the book of First John and the Lord gave me a new understanding of what it said -- it in a way that had never been so clear and plain to me before. I also had a conversation with a friend at another friends bridal shower on Saturday night that gave me a glimpse of "life." Sunday night I listened to a young man preach at church that we are never going to be "the perfect person." We are not "improving" and we never will. There were also a couple of songs at church Sunday night that really touched me -- one with the words that pointed out to me that the blood that saves me is still on the mantle above the door (like the passover in Egypt) -- it will never go away and I dont have to worry about it. And the words "Jesus, my savior forever" from the song "Victory in Jesus" really spoke to my heart. He is my savior forever. He is still my savior, now. He was my savior before I was born, and will still be my savior after I die. I know that my Redeemer lives!
I listed all these things as a way to try to describe what might have "lead up to" my experience of the relationship with God -- but I dont really know that they "lead up to it." I just know they happened before hand. Id like to share with you what I read in the Bible.
I have read First John before, and even done a study on it where I walked through the verses and wrote down verse by verse what I saw. It has always been a favorite of mine because I think of it as the book of "love." But this time what stood out to me first were a couple of passages that had always been hard for me to understand. This time, the Lord opened them up to my understanding and I clearly knew what John was talking about. Gone were the old interpretations left over from my days in the Mormon church -- they just got in the way and had nothing to do with what was really said in Gods word.
Here they are and what I was shown about them:
1 John 4:1 ¶ Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
From my youth in the Mormon Church I thought this was talking about "ghosts." Like dead people showing up to talk to you (like from the Joseph Smith story). Just goes to show you what can happen when scripture is taken out of context. Even when I had done the study I mentioned previously, my concept of what was being spoken of was only slightly removed from that original erroneous thinking. This time, though, it became perfectly clear that John was not talking about ghostly visitors in the night -- but the people you meet at church. He was talking about the spirit within a man or woman. He is saying that we should fellowship with like minded people -- true believers -- and that we are not to simply to be taken in by people who know the right words but have the wrong spirit about them because they do not know God. We are to test the spirits.
Another verse that got cleared up for me:
1 John 5:6 ¶ This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth.
I could never figure out what this verse was saying. I had no idea what "water and blood" and Jesus "coming by them" meant. I had looked in commentaries. I had investigated the origins of the words and it just never really made any sense to me.
This is what God showed me this time. The writer, the Apostle John, sometimes talks about things without actually mentioning the "thing." Kind of reminiscent of a parable but without the little illustrative story. The whole book starts with the word "that" -- and if you read it you find out that the "that" he is talking about is Jesus Christ.
1 John 1:1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life;
2 (For the life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and shew unto you that eternal life, which was with the Father, and was manifested unto us;)
3 That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.
The verse about the water and the blood is another one of his "third person" examples where he assumes you know precisely what he is talking about so he never fully explains himself. But if you read it in context the water and blood can only be explained as the things that Jesus did.
Water: The most simple and obvious thing in the Christian life that is related to "water" is "baptism." And what is baptism but a rite that we perform to express our faith in Jesus? It is the Christians way of making the statement for all to see that we have placed our faith in Jesus Christ -- a profession of faith. We do it in front of witnesses. So we become a Christian "by water" -- as did Jesus. He started his ministry "by water" or baptism or more accurately, by a public profession of faith in God.
Blood: The blood that Jesus "came by" was his own. He sacrificed His life that we might be reunited with the Father. The word "blood" as it is used here represents Jesus obedience -- or actions.
So to say that Jesus "came by" water and blood -- and then to restate for emphasis -- that he is not talking about water alone, but by both water and blood -- is to say that He came by his profession of faith and by the blood he shed or the work that he did on the cross (faith and works). So we come not by faith alone but by faith and actions based on our faith. Jesus was not followed simply because of what he preached -- but by what he preached and what he did. What we believe and what we do, are of balanced importance.
In that same verse it also talks about "the Spirit" with a capital "S" -- meaning Jesus own Holy Spirit. His Spirit bore the witness of Who He was -- and it is the Spirit of truth. Our spirit will bear the witness to others of who we are in exactly the same way. We can recognize like minded folks by their spirit, by their professions, and by their actions.
Once I understood that verse, the next one also began to make sense to me:
1 John 5:8 And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one.
9 If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son.
10 ¶ He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son.
The verse that was hard for me to understand was verse 8. But this time it became clear to me that what is being said here is that here on the earth we must look at each man to confirm that he has the Spirit of God, the water or profession of faith, and the blood, the works that come from faith -- and these three must agree in one man or woman for us to know they are true believers.
Evidence that this is so comes from the very next verse that talks about "the witness of men." We listen to what a man says and does, and observe the spirit that he has about him in order to know who the man is. But even if we accept a mans witness the witness of God (the Spirit inside ourselves) is greater.
Then he says "He that believeth on the Son of God has the witness in himself." Every man who is a man of faith knows within himself who Jesus is and who belongs to Him. If a man does not believe the record that has been made of Jesus life, he is then calling God a liar. The simple fact that he does not believe the word of God means that he refuses to believe the witness God gave of his own Son.
John then makes his point:
1 John 5:11 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
12 He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
I have got to tell you that when these passages all finally fit together like a glove and I understood what they meant, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I was shouting and rejoicing in my living room!! Amen! Praise the Lord!!
The next thing I noticed as I re-read First John was the words "we know." He is talking about the witness that we have inside ourselves. The knowledge that we have by the power of the Holy Spirit. He is encouraging us to hold fast to the teachings that we know are true. Look through the book yourself and begin to circle the words "we know" or "we have known" or "ye know" and you will be amazed how many times they show up. John wrote to encourage us, to help us to stand on what we know, and to do what we know is right.
1 John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
If we stand on what we know -- Jesus Christ -- we have eternal life. And if we want others to know Him, too, we must love -- not only in words but in deeds and in truth. Our words and our actions must co-exist in the same space or they are not truth. You cannot have faith in Jesus without obedience to him -- they manifest together. If you have obedience without faith that is useless and will get you nothing. If you have profession without obedience then you lack the witness of the Holy Spirit within you. If you believe in Jesus, the Son of God, you are given eternal life!! If you continue to believe in Jesus Christ, you continue to walk in the space of eternal life and to do the things that lead to eternal life.
1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Nothing happens by profession alone. Our obedience to the commands of Jesus must accompany our profession of faith.There are only two commandments and they are not grievous: 1. we are to love God and worship him in spirit and in truth which is faith and obedience, and 2. to love our fellow man in deeds and in truth which is faith and sacrifice. We can do nothing without Jesus. We must abide in Him. He will abide in us, also. We live by Him and He lives in us.
I think the space that God gave me to experience was the rest that He speaks about in Hebrews:
Hebrews 4:10 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.
Which is precisely what I experienced. When I walked into that space, I was no longer striving with my own works but began immediately to be concerned with God. Such a burden lifted off of me when I no longer worried or strove to improve myself, but simply began to live and be alive in Christ -- in the Father.
John 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
John 15:10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
John 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
Joh 16:27 For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.
Eph 3:14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Amen!!
--Marcia
It has been a long time since I posted anything here. I am not really sure exactly why... I just lost the desire to go on talking about food and eating. It may have had something to do with my reaction to Kevin Giannis "Great Health Debate" where I listened for seven days in a row to two hours per day of two people per day offering their personal and professional points of view concerning the question of "What should people eat to be healthy?" That was not the "official" question -- that is my interpretation.
One thing I noticed when it was all done was that I was exhausted from listening. It really kind of wore me out. That is not to say that I did not enjoy it. Have you ever done something that was really very interesting but when you were done you just did not want to do anything at all that reminded you of it ever again? That is what it has been like for me. I am even dragging a little to begin to write here today, but I got a response from my friend, Brenda to my post about "mindless" eating and Id like to respond to it.
Here is what she said:
About this mindless eating, the Lord spoke to me that I am demonstrating (or manifesting) that I dont care for myself. In other words, I know people that are diabetic and, when someone offers them sugar, I get defensive for them. I want to say, "Dont offer them sugar, you idiot! Theyre diabetic!" If someone offers me something I have no business eating, I eat it because that thought for my well-being doesnt kick in automatically. I care for others, but not for myself.
I actually think that all the years I was convinced I was putting others first, Im still compelled to behave in ways that are self-centered. Because Im horrible? No, because Im in pain. Children dont do whats best for them because theyre self-centered. They havent learned to do whats really best for themselves, but still do things that are not good. Psychologists say that childhood trauma causes our emotional growth to be stunted – stopped – and we dont progress into healthy attitudes about self.
I criticize parents who wont feed their children properly – who feed them foods that make them obese and allow them to overeat. I understand what damage this does to a child and it pains me. But when it comes to myself, Im not practicing what I preach. I have to heal to the point where I can care for Brenda and do whats best for Brenda.
So this cannot translate into "mustering up" a caring attitude toward myself. Thats another striving and struggling to do something in the flesh – a work that has to be maintained by willpower. So how does my heart change and soften toward myself? How do I get to the place where I have care and genuine concern for Brenda? I need healing, healing, healing! I need compassion for Brenda, not a vicious cycle of guilt, shame and self-indulgence. So God has had me on an emotional healing journey for a while now. He has led me to read some books and listen to some different speakers and has really been ministering to me. I was going full-on for a while – reading, journaling, praying. I had a setback in some relationships recently, which kind of knocked me back, but Im getting up and dusting myself off with the Lords help.
Not there yet, but getting there. I believe that once I can love myself as much as I love others, then I can set myself aside (so-to-speak), pat myself on the head and say, "Brenda, I love you and God loves you," and focus more on Gods dreams and how He wants to use me in His kingdom plans.
Im just sayin.=
I actually think that all the years I was convinced I was putting others first, Im still compelled to behave in ways that are self-centered. Because Im horrible? No, because Im in pain. Children dont do whats best for them because theyre self-centered. They havent learned to do whats really best for themselves, but still do things that are not good. Psychologists say that childhood trauma causes our emotional growth to be stunted – stopped – and we dont progress into healthy attitudes about self.
I criticize parents who wont feed their children properly – who feed them foods that make them obese and allow them to overeat. I understand what damage this does to a child and it pains me. But when it comes to myself, Im not practicing what I preach. I have to heal to the point where I can care for Brenda and do whats best for Brenda.
So this cannot translate into "mustering up" a caring attitude toward myself. Thats another striving and struggling to do something in the flesh – a work that has to be maintained by willpower. So how does my heart change and soften toward myself? How do I get to the place where I have care and genuine concern for Brenda? I need healing, healing, healing! I need compassion for Brenda, not a vicious cycle of guilt, shame and self-indulgence. So God has had me on an emotional healing journey for a while now. He has led me to read some books and listen to some different speakers and has really been ministering to me. I was going full-on for a while – reading, journaling, praying. I had a setback in some relationships recently, which kind of knocked me back, but Im getting up and dusting myself off with the Lords help.
Not there yet, but getting there. I believe that once I can love myself as much as I love others, then I can set myself aside (so-to-speak), pat myself on the head and say, "Brenda, I love you and God loves you," and focus more on Gods dreams and how He wants to use me in His kingdom plans.
Im just sayin.=
As you can see, Brenda and I are both Christians and that is an extremely important part of both of our lives. Brenda is one of the two ladies who began praying for me to be saved and because of that, she is very dear to my heart. Her faith in Jesus and her encouragement to me have touched me many times.
I have very recently had a very amazing spiritual experience. It is very difficult to put into words because I already know that the feelings and experience I want to share lose something in the translation from experience to description. Ive been trying to explain it to myself as practice and I keep coming up short. I am not even sure what lead up to it. I can usually tell a pretty good story, but this time it is different. I will plunge in and see where it ends up.
I cannot pinpoint the time, but I think it may have been Sunday afternoon, that the Lord let me have the experience that I shall describe as of not worrying about improving myself. He showed me that I am not here to make me a better person. Life is about the relationship with the Father. Real life runs on a different time and has a different spirit. For a clear and wonderful few hours I knew what it felt like to not have to strive to make myself better or more acceptable or thinner or more nicely dressed or a better woman or smarter or anything. When that was gone, life was clearly about the relationship with God. I was loved. I simply accepted the life that He provides. It is not about striving with myself. It is about resting in God. I have never felt freedom like that before. It is an entirely different "space." Like none that I have ever noticed before.
Even as it appeared around me I knew it was different immediately. At first I even wondered if I had had a stroke, but I checked and everything was working properly. It was like I had walked into a different dimension -- like going from inside to outside. Inside the air can get stuffy but you dont notice it as stuffy. Youve become accustomed to stuffy and nothing seems wrong with it. But when you open the door on a sunny spring day the air is different. It is fresh. And clean. And pure. It smells good and is very easy to breathe. God was so near. He was the space I walked into and I knew it. I could feel it. I knew He was so close that whatever I said or thought or did, He heard me and He knew me. I did not ever want to leave that space -- and so I prayed that God would keep me there forever. Clearly it was not something that I could accomplish on my own.
Before that happened, last Thursday and Friday I read the book of First John and the Lord gave me a new understanding of what it said -- it in a way that had never been so clear and plain to me before. I also had a conversation with a friend at another friends bridal shower on Saturday night that gave me a glimpse of "life." Sunday night I listened to a young man preach at church that we are never going to be "the perfect person." We are not "improving" and we never will. There were also a couple of songs at church Sunday night that really touched me -- one with the words that pointed out to me that the blood that saves me is still on the mantle above the door (like the passover in Egypt) -- it will never go away and I dont have to worry about it. And the words "Jesus, my savior forever" from the song "Victory in Jesus" really spoke to my heart. He is my savior forever. He is still my savior, now. He was my savior before I was born, and will still be my savior after I die. I know that my Redeemer lives!
I listed all these things as a way to try to describe what might have "lead up to" my experience of the relationship with God -- but I dont really know that they "lead up to it." I just know they happened before hand. Id like to share with you what I read in the Bible.
I have read First John before, and even done a study on it where I walked through the verses and wrote down verse by verse what I saw. It has always been a favorite of mine because I think of it as the book of "love." But this time what stood out to me first were a couple of passages that had always been hard for me to understand. This time, the Lord opened them up to my understanding and I clearly knew what John was talking about. Gone were the old interpretations left over from my days in the Mormon church -- they just got in the way and had nothing to do with what was really said in Gods word.
Here they are and what I was shown about them:
1 John 4:1 ¶ Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
From my youth in the Mormon Church I thought this was talking about "ghosts." Like dead people showing up to talk to you (like from the Joseph Smith story). Just goes to show you what can happen when scripture is taken out of context. Even when I had done the study I mentioned previously, my concept of what was being spoken of was only slightly removed from that original erroneous thinking. This time, though, it became perfectly clear that John was not talking about ghostly visitors in the night -- but the people you meet at church. He was talking about the spirit within a man or woman. He is saying that we should fellowship with like minded people -- true believers -- and that we are not to simply to be taken in by people who know the right words but have the wrong spirit about them because they do not know God. We are to test the spirits.
Another verse that got cleared up for me:
1 John 5:6 ¶ This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth.
I could never figure out what this verse was saying. I had no idea what "water and blood" and Jesus "coming by them" meant. I had looked in commentaries. I had investigated the origins of the words and it just never really made any sense to me.
This is what God showed me this time. The writer, the Apostle John, sometimes talks about things without actually mentioning the "thing." Kind of reminiscent of a parable but without the little illustrative story. The whole book starts with the word "that" -- and if you read it you find out that the "that" he is talking about is Jesus Christ.
1 John 1:1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life;
2 (For the life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and shew unto you that eternal life, which was with the Father, and was manifested unto us;)
3 That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.
The verse about the water and the blood is another one of his "third person" examples where he assumes you know precisely what he is talking about so he never fully explains himself. But if you read it in context the water and blood can only be explained as the things that Jesus did.
Water: The most simple and obvious thing in the Christian life that is related to "water" is "baptism." And what is baptism but a rite that we perform to express our faith in Jesus? It is the Christians way of making the statement for all to see that we have placed our faith in Jesus Christ -- a profession of faith. We do it in front of witnesses. So we become a Christian "by water" -- as did Jesus. He started his ministry "by water" or baptism or more accurately, by a public profession of faith in God.
Blood: The blood that Jesus "came by" was his own. He sacrificed His life that we might be reunited with the Father. The word "blood" as it is used here represents Jesus obedience -- or actions.
So to say that Jesus "came by" water and blood -- and then to restate for emphasis -- that he is not talking about water alone, but by both water and blood -- is to say that He came by his profession of faith and by the blood he shed or the work that he did on the cross (faith and works). So we come not by faith alone but by faith and actions based on our faith. Jesus was not followed simply because of what he preached -- but by what he preached and what he did. What we believe and what we do, are of balanced importance.
In that same verse it also talks about "the Spirit" with a capital "S" -- meaning Jesus own Holy Spirit. His Spirit bore the witness of Who He was -- and it is the Spirit of truth. Our spirit will bear the witness to others of who we are in exactly the same way. We can recognize like minded folks by their spirit, by their professions, and by their actions.
Once I understood that verse, the next one also began to make sense to me:
1 John 5:8 And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one.
9 If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son.
10 ¶ He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son.
The verse that was hard for me to understand was verse 8. But this time it became clear to me that what is being said here is that here on the earth we must look at each man to confirm that he has the Spirit of God, the water or profession of faith, and the blood, the works that come from faith -- and these three must agree in one man or woman for us to know they are true believers.
Evidence that this is so comes from the very next verse that talks about "the witness of men." We listen to what a man says and does, and observe the spirit that he has about him in order to know who the man is. But even if we accept a mans witness the witness of God (the Spirit inside ourselves) is greater.
Then he says "He that believeth on the Son of God has the witness in himself." Every man who is a man of faith knows within himself who Jesus is and who belongs to Him. If a man does not believe the record that has been made of Jesus life, he is then calling God a liar. The simple fact that he does not believe the word of God means that he refuses to believe the witness God gave of his own Son.
John then makes his point:
1 John 5:11 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
12 He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
I have got to tell you that when these passages all finally fit together like a glove and I understood what they meant, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I was shouting and rejoicing in my living room!! Amen! Praise the Lord!!
The next thing I noticed as I re-read First John was the words "we know." He is talking about the witness that we have inside ourselves. The knowledge that we have by the power of the Holy Spirit. He is encouraging us to hold fast to the teachings that we know are true. Look through the book yourself and begin to circle the words "we know" or "we have known" or "ye know" and you will be amazed how many times they show up. John wrote to encourage us, to help us to stand on what we know, and to do what we know is right.
1 John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
If we stand on what we know -- Jesus Christ -- we have eternal life. And if we want others to know Him, too, we must love -- not only in words but in deeds and in truth. Our words and our actions must co-exist in the same space or they are not truth. You cannot have faith in Jesus without obedience to him -- they manifest together. If you have obedience without faith that is useless and will get you nothing. If you have profession without obedience then you lack the witness of the Holy Spirit within you. If you believe in Jesus, the Son of God, you are given eternal life!! If you continue to believe in Jesus Christ, you continue to walk in the space of eternal life and to do the things that lead to eternal life.
1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Nothing happens by profession alone. Our obedience to the commands of Jesus must accompany our profession of faith.There are only two commandments and they are not grievous: 1. we are to love God and worship him in spirit and in truth which is faith and obedience, and 2. to love our fellow man in deeds and in truth which is faith and sacrifice. We can do nothing without Jesus. We must abide in Him. He will abide in us, also. We live by Him and He lives in us.
I think the space that God gave me to experience was the rest that He speaks about in Hebrews:
Hebrews 4:10 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.
Which is precisely what I experienced. When I walked into that space, I was no longer striving with my own works but began immediately to be concerned with God. Such a burden lifted off of me when I no longer worried or strove to improve myself, but simply began to live and be alive in Christ -- in the Father.
John 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
John 15:9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
John 15:10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
John 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
Joh 16:27 For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.
Eph 3:14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Amen!!
--Marcia
The False God of Easy Answers and Catchy Nostrums
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Have you been stymied by health cares complexity? Are you unable to find that one intervention that predictably leads to a desired outcome? Are your best laid plans being upended by countervailing poverty and undereducation? Do you want to make a big splash that portrays your health care chops? The Disease Management Care Blog says "No problem!" because the fix is simple:
Find a catchy health care motto.
Among the more famous are Richard Nixons "War on Cancer" and the geneticists "Personalized Medicine." The latest candidate is the term "AIDS Free Generation" embraced by Secretary of State Hillary Clintons at the International AIDS 2012 Conference. Ms. Clinton really stepped up with a compelling vision thing, got some major jumbotron time and launched a new nostrum into the global miasma of big government solutioning. Its enough to give the DMCB goosebumps. If this keeps up, humanity can look forward to a future where we all die of nothing.
Dont get the DMCB wrong. $150 million will save many lives, but the idea that HIV transmission will be completely halted in 2015 seems fantastical, naive and a little dishonest. Contrast that with William Bennetts reframing the "War On Drugs" with a more honest stretch goal of a "50%" reduction in U.S. drug abuse. It didnt end well, but give the guy credit for telling it like it is.
The DMCBs conclusions:
1. Beware politicians with little reality-tested experience taking advantage of our desire for easy answers wrapped in short catchphrases. While our aspirations should exceed our reach, the DMCB cautions that we need to be on the lookout for health policy hope being undercut by hype.
2. Ms. Clintons political skills are considerable. The DMCB finds it unlikely this political impresario will simply fade away.
3. This false god of health care perfection summed up with easy answers may be one of the reasons why all those local QI programs aim for "100% HEDIS compliance" and "zero" hospital readmissions. Who can blame them when our political class is leading the way?
The DMCB felt so strongly about this, it proposes its own motto: "Be motto free with the DMCB."
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