Showing posts with label mouth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mouth. Show all posts
Foot Biden Mouth Disease
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Disease Management Vendors Offer Treatment for Dreaded Foot Biden Mouth Disease
From Naaj Vorodis, DMCB
Updated 17:00 Sun August 19, 2012
Washington DC (DMCB) -- A consortium of disease management service providers have announced a new product offering for "Foot Biden Mouth Disease."
Characterized by a microphone-induced symptom triad of pseudodementia, confabulation and tone deafness, this chronic and incurable condition is associated with pandemics of spinning punditosis and chronic voter fatigue. Statistics gathered by the CDC and the Boston Globe show that, while this pestilence is uncommon, a multiplier effect over news media, websites and social networks makes it appear as bad as it really is.
In response, the consortium is now offering a bluetooth-enabled monitoring device that analyzes the wearers speech and, when doltish utterances are detected, sends a SMS text message to a responsible adult. This patented and proprietary technology uses a voice activated political information exchange network that mines the users phrases and compares them to quotes from Mel Brooks, Donald Trump, SuperPAC Ads, The Simpsons and Bane. When a match is detected, not only is the text message is generated, but the wearer is also prompted to apply a cork.
"Our background in enabling behavior change to reduce the rate of complications in conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure makes disease management a perfect answer to this disabling condition of political buffoonery," said disease management industry expert Bill Alot. "Our technology can adapt itself to the consumers level of insight and result in beneficial outcomes, even if the patient has zero insight," he added.
Unnamed sources in the White House have stated that this may reduce the recurring episodes of panic in the Situation Room. "We sure hope this works," said one source, "otherwise its back to the teleprompters for all of us."
From Naaj Vorodis, DMCB
Updated 17:00 Sun August 19, 2012
Washington DC (DMCB) -- A consortium of disease management service providers have announced a new product offering for "Foot Biden Mouth Disease."
Characterized by a microphone-induced symptom triad of pseudodementia, confabulation and tone deafness, this chronic and incurable condition is associated with pandemics of spinning punditosis and chronic voter fatigue. Statistics gathered by the CDC and the Boston Globe show that, while this pestilence is uncommon, a multiplier effect over news media, websites and social networks makes it appear as bad as it really is.
In response, the consortium is now offering a bluetooth-enabled monitoring device that analyzes the wearers speech and, when doltish utterances are detected, sends a SMS text message to a responsible adult. This patented and proprietary technology uses a voice activated political information exchange network that mines the users phrases and compares them to quotes from Mel Brooks, Donald Trump, SuperPAC Ads, The Simpsons and Bane. When a match is detected, not only is the text message is generated, but the wearer is also prompted to apply a cork.
"Our background in enabling behavior change to reduce the rate of complications in conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure makes disease management a perfect answer to this disabling condition of political buffoonery," said disease management industry expert Bill Alot. "Our technology can adapt itself to the consumers level of insight and result in beneficial outcomes, even if the patient has zero insight," he added.
Unnamed sources in the White House have stated that this may reduce the recurring episodes of panic in the Situation Room. "We sure hope this works," said one source, "otherwise its back to the teleprompters for all of us."

Is Your Mouth Fit for Kissing Reasons Youre Not Kissable
Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Also called fever blisters, you don’t get cold sores from fevers or colds but they can be triggered by them. The virus that causes cold sores is usually passed via a kiss, shared utensils, or other close contact. OTC creams and ointments may help discomfort and speed healing. Frequent sores may require a prescription. Cold sores are a top mouth problem. Other problems include canker sores, TMJ, bad breath, and mouth cancer.

Caused by candida yeast, thrush is most common in older adults or babies. But a weakened immune system, antibiotics, diabetes or certain medications such as inhaled corticosteroids can give candida a chance to grow wild. Wiping away the patches will cause soreness. See a doctor for a firm diagnosis.

This painless condition occurs when the little bumps on your tongue grow long and trap bacteria that live in your mouth -- making your tongue look black and hairy. Causes can include antibiotic use, poor oral hygiene, smoking, drinking a lot of tea or coffee, and not producing enough saliva. Brushing your tongue and using a tongue scraper is usually all you need to treat it, though sometimes medication is necessary.

No one knows what causes these small, painful blisters inside your mouth. Triggers include hypersensitivity, infection, hormones, stress, and not getting enough of some vitamins. Also called aphthous ulcers, canker sores can show up on your tongue, cheek, even gums. They usually last a week or two. Persistent, severe canker sores can be treated with numbing creams or prescription treatments.

Leukoplakia is a reaction to an irritant, like rough teeth, badly fitting dentures, smoking, and smokeless tobacco. It can show up as white patches or plaques in the mouth, usually is painless, and can’t be scraped off. Leukoplakia can also be a precancerous condition. Persistent patches or other changes in your mouth need a dentist’s evaluation.

A rare rash that shows up as lacy, white patches or red shiny bumps on the inside of the cheeks or tongue could be lichen planus. No one knows what causes it. Generally, mild lichen planus doesn’t need any treatment. If it causes pain or ulcers, it can be treated with oral and topical medication. Oral lichen planus can be chronic and may increase the risk for oral cancer. Lichen planus can also affect skin, scalp, nails, and genitals.

When parts of your tongue are missing some of their small bumps, you end up with raised and lowered spots, giving your tongue a map-like appearance. The spots can change location, pattern, and size within minutes to hours. Geographic tongue is harmless and can come and go. It usually doesn’t need any treatment. If there’s pain, over-the-counter pain relievers and anti-inflammatory medications can help.

A mouth sore that doesn’t go away. Unexplained numbness in the face, mouth, or neck. Problems chewing, speaking or swallowing. These are a few symptoms of mouth cancer. Causes can include smoking cigarettes and using smokeless tobacco, drinking heavily, overexposure to the sun, and a family history of cancer. Don’t let fear keep you from the doctor -- oral cancer that is caught early is treatable and curable.

A problem with the jaw called temporomandibular joint syndrome can cause severe pain in the jaw, face, ear, or neck. Clenching, tooth grinding, or injury can all cause TMJ, but the results are often the same: pain, headaches, dizziness, even trouble swallowing. Treatment may involve rest, a mouth guard, medication, or surgery.

Munching on ice or hard candies, grinding or clenching teeth, even exposing teeth to heat and cold can lead to chips, cracks, and breaks in your teeth. Tiny chips or cracks may not be a bother. But anything more could lead to pain or permanent tooth damage. Your dentist can offer dental bonding, tooth contouring, porcelain veneers, and crowns to fix badly damaged teeth.

Ever notice a small blue-gray “stain” in a soft part of your mouth after dental work? Called amalgam tattoos, they occur when a tiny piece of amalgam filling gets embedded in your cheek or gum. The silver in the amalgam leaches into your mouth’s soft tissue, resulting in what looks a bit like a tiny tattoo. Amalgam tattoos pose no harm. But if the blue-gray spot grows or changes color, that’s not an amalgam tattoo. Ask your dentist to check it out.

Periodontal Disease
With periodontal disease like gingivitis, bacteria in plaque can cause receding gum lines. Pockets form that become infected and can cause bone loss. Proper oral hygiene can help prevent periodontal disease. Smoking, poor diet, and stress can make it worse. See your dentist to treat receding gums.

Red, swollen, or bleeding gums could be gingivitis, which can cause teeth to loosen and fall out. Also called gum disease, gingivitis – a form of periodontal disease -- can happen when an illness, medication, plaque, or other problem leaves gums vulnerable to bacterial infection. Prevention is the best strategy. That means daily flossing and brushing, as well as regular dental visits. Severe gingivitis may require antibiotics.

Ever let an aspirin nestle in your cheek, near an aching tooth? While you may hope this relieves pain faster, instead the acid in the aspirin burns a white, rough lesion into your gums or cheek. Preventing aspirin burn is simple -- swallow those pain relievers! Treatment for aspirin burn is just as basic: Time. Simple burns should heal in about two weeks.
Cavities, Abcesses, Discoloration
Flossing and brushing daily and regular dental checkups help prevent problems like cavities, abscesses, and tooth discoloration. Don’t mess around with a severe toothache. Dental infections can spread to the face, skull, and even to the bloodstream. See your dentist as soon as possible if your toothache lasts longer than 1 or 2 days or if you have a fever, earache, or pain when you open your mouth wide.
Bad Breath
Unbrushed teeth have food particles around them that promote bacteria and cause bad breath. Persistent bad breath or a bad taste in your mouth may be from continuous breathing through your mouth, dry mouth, a sign of gum disease, or even diabetes. Fight bad breath by brushing your teeth and tongue, drinking water, and avoiding food triggers. See your dentist if bad breath persists.

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