Health for life

Writing a guest post to a co blogger, any blogger can dream about it, thank god its happens quite often to me and am loving it. Recently Nalini of Nalinis Kitchen asked me to write a guest post for her, as she is celebrating her second blog anniversary. How can i miss a chance, i immediately said yes and i did this wonderful dessert for her.



Actually i know Nalini through blogging marathon before few years back,ill never forget to visit her space and she shares mouthwatering recipes with breath taking pictures. Beware dont go to her space while you are hungry,yes each and every pictures of her food will tempt you definitely and you will go crazy. If you are searching authentic dishes, just check her space and you will definitely fallen in love with her post.

When she asked me for the guest post, she wants me to make a French bakes,but sorry Nalini i couldnt keep my words, i prepared a no bake French dessert specially for you.


Crème caramel or caramel custard is a custard dessert with a layer of soft caramel on top, as opposed to crème brûlée, which is custard with a hard caramel top. The dish is eaten throughout the world eventhough is dessert is from French Cuisine.

Crème caramel goes for a plain custard where sugar syrup cooked to caramel stage is poured into the mold before adding the custard base. It is usually cooked in a bain-marie on a stove top or in the oven in a water bath. It is turned and served with the caramel sauce on top, hence the alternate French name crème caramel renversée.

But my version of No Bake Eggless Créme caramel doesnt need a oven and its completely egg free, this dessert goes for custard flour, Full fat milk, sugar and agar agar. Just with 4 ingredients you can make an incredible french dessert even if dont have oven at home. Have you noticed that this dessert is also gelatin free, i used china grass aka agar agar in this créme caramel, if you want to make with gelatin feel free to use it.

Check Nalinis space for my guest post..

Discovering that I was trusting the process of eating is an amazing revelation to me. I was completely unaware until yesterday (see previous days post) that eating was the thing I really trusted in. I am not sure that I have my understanding around this whole thing completely but Ive been more aware since my last post and am still a little flabbergasted by it. And glad, too.

Last night as I was watching a video about creation and science I noticed I was reacting to it emotionally. I was feeling scared. I really dont know exactly why but I also noticed that I wanted to "get away" from those feelings and I started to think about binge foods. This time, though, was different, because I was also observing and understanding my reaction in a new light.

As I sat there, kind of scared, and beginning to desire to take my attention away from that by going to get some food, I simply continued to sit there, feeling, and observing what was going on without taking any of my previously normal actions.

I thought about trusting the Lord instead, so that I had the experience of not exactly merging them but of allowing the trusting to ocus on what I know about the Lord Jesus. I know that he loves me. I trust that he loves me. I know that he is constant and never changes. I trust that He is eternal. I know that he is trustworthy. I trust in His goodness and strength and power. He is more than able to carry me through. "I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me."

As I sat there trusting Jesus, I saw the "binge" disappear. I felt the scary feelings, but did not panic. In far less than a minute those scary feelings simply faded away. I went through them and let them happen and did not die. I simply remained where I was and felt good as I trusted in the Lord. Then I prayed and thanked Him. It is so good to no longer be alone. To no longer be so overwhelmingly responsible, or to blame, on my own. I am loved and I am worthwhile.

This is the first time I found a better way to respond. A way to simply let that feeling happen without resorting to my previous avoiding behavior which was always to eat something. I feel like Jesus has set me free, at last. I suddenly have new behavior muscles and I look forward to exercising them.

I am now interested in trusting. I had not realized about "placing my trust" and what that meant. Thank you, Lord.


I usually have much more to say about stuff but I feel this one speaks for itself.

Today I am feeling free in the Lord, and kind of back to my real self again. He has made me "able." Im actually looking forward to trusting Him. Anticipating trusting Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit. Anticipating and experiencing the newness in Him.

Gods mercies are new every morning. Did you ever wonder why his mercies are new every morning? It is because he, Himself, is new every morning. God is ancient but he never grows old. He is as young and new now, as he ever was, and always will be. He is eternal and unchanging. He lives outside of time and aging. He is always new. His goodness is always new, His infinity is always new. Just think what he has made us: a new creation, in Him. We have eternal life in His son, My Savior, Jesus Christ. His mercy is new every afternoon and evening, too!! God is so good and so amazing! Praise the Lord beyond words!

God bless!!

Be back soon,

Marcia

This is the first of a series of blog posts in which I will recount my adventures at Stanfords Medicine X, Conference: An experience which has changed my life, and I will not soon forget. :-) 

The Palo Alto Westin Hotel is a small hotel tucked into the Palo Alto scenery, and spitting distance from Stanford University. Warm, and welcoming, employees genuinely seem to care about ones lodging needs. As I checked in (having completed a journey that began 9 hours before, at 2:00 AM, in Ames, Iowa), I gave the attendant $50 of my last $71, for a security deposit. I really hadnt planned on THAT, so I was hoping the rest of the day wouldnt require any more money from me. (I also hadnt planned on everyone, and their mother, requiring a tip from me.)

After settling in, I went about the business of trying to find out what I was supposed to do next. I was a little outside of my comfort zone... Okay, a lot outside my comfort zone. Okay, "The Village" level outside of my comfort zone. I hadnt traveled anywhere in 5 years; heck, I hadnt even left my small town to go anywhere in the nearby vicinity, in 5 years. When you have no car and minimal financial resources, the world sort of closes in on you. Social media, and walking everywhere, are about the few things you have.

I was in the most expensive city in America, where I knew no one, where I had $21 left, where I didnt know how to use my loaned smartphone, and where I had planned to attend a session in 15 minutes in some supposedly nearby street. "Just turn right on University Avenue, up ahead," said the bellhop. Except, there was a train running through it. Yes, a train. Before I had a chance to wonder much farther, two gentlemen who seemed about equally lost -- but who knew how to use their smart phones -- asked me if I was going to the Stanford startup session. "Yes, I said," so I followed them. And follow the leader is what I did... all weekend, pretty much.

What is the Angry Type 2 Diabetic doing in Palo Alto, you ask? Attending Stanford sessions, nonetheless? Well, in case you missed it (which I almost did), last Spring I was selected (among many applicants) for a scholarship to attend Stanfords Medicine X Conference, in Palo Alto, California. I had applied at the suggestion of a friend, and quickly forgotten about it. :-)

At the time I didnt know much about Medicine X... but my curiosity was piqued. I knew the things I believed in: the patient, the patients ability to quantify their experience, and social media to glue it all up together... and now Stanford University, via Medicine X, seemed to want to address all those things. Nothing makes one feel better than when the crazy things one rants about get acknowledged by large institutions.

So, I took them up on their offer. I was, and am, confident that this is the future of medicine. It is, in my mind, one of the only ways to guarantee the patient has a voice. A voice that isnt clouded by the need to see 30 patients or more a day, 6 minute doctor sessions, and clinicians who are hell bent on not deviating from anything they learned back in 1976. A way to circumvent the little treatment and education patients with type 2 diabetes are receiving. A way for patients with limited resources, to make the most of their health situations.

But... after a week of being stranded at home, with the flu, and not being able to work, the little savings I had for this event disappeared in the form of medicines and bills. So I almost didnt make it out there. Almost. I have my family to thank for making this event happen for me. For believing in this little wild adventure on which I was about to embark.

And boy was it an adventure.

I really wasnt sure what to expect... and thinking Id immediately see many of my fellow diabetes advocates, I had worn my fun-loving shirt "Diabetics Luv Pricks," for my travel day. It really made me an attention magnet, in ways I didnt want to be one. hehe "So what are YOU doing here?," "What exactly are you going to bring to MedX, with what you do?," "Whats your role in MedX?," "I thought this conference was just for startups," etc.

People were really proud of being startups of their own companies (even if it was just a company of 1 or 2), and people were really... PROUD of being in the center of the universe, as it was put to me more than once. And... it was a bit unnerving, to be honest.

Just like I did on my first day of college, I called home, and cried, and begged to leave. And just like on my first day, thank goodness I didnt.   :-) Culture clashes can be rough things.

The other day in one of my classes, we began a "Weight Management" unit, which is one of my favorite aspects of nutrition.  Despite the fact that Ive never had a weight problem, I find it fascinating learning about what makes people gain weight and how to lose it.  But I was quickly reminded how much I completely disagree with the conventional model.  Or maybe Im being nice... let me rephrase that.  The conventional model is completely wrong.  Allow me to explain myself...

The conventional model of obesity is as follows:  Eat more calories than you expend and youll gain weight.  To paraphrase my professor, it really is just a simple math equation.  And for weight loss, burn more calories than you take in and youll lose weight. Thats not the part I disagree with.  That is an established fact.  But the problem is that conventional obesity paradigm ends there.  Really?? Thats it?? Im paying for a top quality nutrition education, and were not going to delve any deeper than that?  I would expect this in a high school health class; you dont need to bother high schoolers with the finer details that they likely wouldnt even care about.  But this is an advanced course in nutrition... I expect more than the "all you need to lose weight is a calculator" mentality.

This calories in, calories out model of obesity says that if youve gained weight, youve consumed more calories than youve burned, but it does nothing to explain why someone has consumed more than theyve burned.  Imagine walking into a room full of people.  You ask someone, "Why are there so many people in this room?"  And the response you get is, "Because more people entered the room than left it."  That would be a stupid answer, something a 2nd grader might tell you when they first learn about addition and subtraction.  But that is essentially the same as telling someone they got fat because they consumed more calories than they expended.  Its obvious, but it doesnt really tell us anything about why that is the case.  While excess caloric intake causes obesity, you can go much deeper than that (thats what she said).

Lets run through a quick history of obesity shall we?  A little knowledge of the past is essential for a complete understanding of the present.  In 1985, the earliest data we have for obesity in America, no state had an obesity rate of over 14%.  Fast forward to 2010, and not one state has an obesity rate below 20%.  Many states have rates over 30%.  It is not at all a stretch to say, then, that obesity rates have more than doubled in the past 25 years.




While there is no concrete data before 1985, it is probably safe to assume that obesity wasnt a problem.  Just watch any old movie, television show, or news footage, and youll likely have a hard time picking out the obese people.  Sure, they existed, but not in the numbers that they do today.  And check out this ad from the 1800s, courtesy of Whole Health Source...


Its a product called "Fat-ten-u", designed to "make the thin plump and rosy with honest fleshiness of form."  In other words, it makes you fat.  This is fascinating on two levels.  Firstly, its interesting that women of that era actually wanted to be fat.  Social norms have clearly changed.  Just a little bit.  But social aspects aside, the existence of this product indicates that women in the 1800s couldnt get fat if they tried.  Imagine that!  Was there a food shortage?  Were they too busy to eat?  Were they diligently tracking their caloric intake and expenditure on their iPhones?  No, no, and... yes, maybe.  There was plenty of food to go around, and I cant imagine their lives were as hectic as ours today.  Yet they couldnt get fat if they tried.  What gives? 

If you want to go way back to ancient times, even prehistoric times, the fossil evidence shows that obesity was extremely rare.  In some cases, like in Ancient Rome, being overweight was considered a symbol of power, and so nobles would deliberately overeat.  But aside from those rare cases, people didnt generally gain weight.  And again, food was plentiful.  Even in hunter-gatherer times, food was normally plentiful.  Tribes wouldnt choose to settle in an environment with no food, they werent stupid.  Modern tribes like the Kitavans reenforce this idea; they have more than enough food to feed themselves and plenty of free time, yet obesity is extremely rare. 

The question is this:  If food was plentiful throughout much of human history, why didnt we overeat and become fat?  We didnt even know what calories were, but that didnt keep us from staying lean.  And why do we overeat today, knowing all that we know about the caloric content of food?  It is estimated that, on average, each of us eats a whopping 523 calories more today than we did in 1970, despite our ability to accurately track our caloric intake.  If anything, our knowledge of calories has only made us consume more.  In a sea of new low-fat crackers and cookies, 100-calorie packs, and skim milk, we are largely missing the point... we have forgotten completely about hunger and satiety.

Hunger and satiety are opposing forces in humans, along with all other mammals.  Hunger, obviously drives you to eat, while satiety signals that youre full and that you should stop eating.  When the system works correctly, your body will let you know when to eat and when not to eat.  This is why, historically, we have had no problem maintaining a relatively lean body.  As another example, just look at any wild animal and youll see that they are almost never fat.  Why?  Because this biological mechanism of hunger and satiety is working effectively.  When we gain weight by overeating, however, the hunger/satiety system has malfunctioned, and the true cause of obesity lies in finding what caused this system to break. 

The answer to that question is a bit more complex, and I dont have a concrete answer.  A variety of factors come into play, including behavioral, psychological, social, and physiological elements. But in a nutshell, here is my take.  I believe it is largely a food quality issue; ined foods like sugar, industrial vegetable oils, and processed foods dont satiate us, and hence make us overeat.  Most of us dont even eat real food anymore, even those of us who are trying to eat healthy. We opt for quick and convenient boxed foods over healthy fresh foods.  We try to save calories by opting for fat-free crackers, or diet soda.  And weve fallen for the fallacy that a low-calorie food is a healthy food.  A lunch consisting of a 100-calorie pack of oreos, a diet soda, and a couple rice cakes sounds great until youre starving again an hour later.  We need to come to terms with the fact that cookies and soda are, by definition, unhealthy foods, and theres nothing you can do to them to change that.  Throughout human history, our diet has been made up of real, natural foods like fruit, vegetables, meat, fish, potatoes, full-fat dairy, nuts, seeds, and limited grains... foods that are near impossible to overeat.  We as a society are so far removed from nature that we often dont see the obesity problem in this light.  But when you take a few steps back and get a good look at it in the context of evolution and biological systems, it seems pretty obvious to me:  processed food is killing us.

Taking pills is an easy way to improve a medical condition, or in the case of vitamins and supplements, to assure good health. That is, as long as you take them.

The American Diabetes Association (ADA) cites a study that found hospitalization rates were higher for patients who missed taking only 20% of their oral diabetes medications.

If you take prescription drugs regularly, or youve started a vitamin routine that has you taking various pills over the course of the day, its helpful to portion those pills ahead of time and keep them with you.

You can buy an inexpensive pillbox with compartments for times of the day or days of the week. There are more sophisticated ones that include a digital clock and alarm, or a small water supply. Or you can load up any small plastic bag or container and keep it in your pocket or purse when you leave home.

Setting daily doses aside is also a good way to confirm that you took your meds. If you find yourself asking, "Did I take my pills this morning?", just check your pillbox.

________
For the ADAs pill-skipping article:
Skipping Pills May Put You in the Hospital

Hi,

Ive tried out a couple of fasting ideas and found some more useful information on the subject of intermittent fasting.

I was in the process of beginning to do 16 hour fasts with 8 hour eating periods when, on day three, an appointment got in the way of ending my fast. I had been reading about doing 24-hour fasts once or twice a week and I decided to just let the appointment have its way and continue to fast.

It was quite interesting to me. I did not feel stressed out as I would have, had I not been reading about fasting and realizing that missing a meal or two is not the end of the world. I decided to just observe what it was like to do the fast. It ended up that I did only 21 hours but, hey, I think that was pretty good, considering that I am a newbie, and this was a spur of the moment decision.

My plan had been to continue to eat what I am now eating which means the only change I was introducing was the amount of time between meals rather than anything about the content. The actuality was not quite that.

It ended up that at about 4:30 when I decided to end the fast I felt this compulsion to get a pizza and eat. I tricked myself! I should have eaten a real meal, but instead, I ordered a medium pizza and for some odd reason, I felt compelled to eat the whole thing, even though I had to force the last half of it down. So odd. But that is what happened.

I had one more meal and a snack after that before going to bed -- the snack came first because I was still feeling stuffed from the pizza. But I began again the next day. I finished my last meal at about 1 a.m. that night, and did not eat again until about 4:30 p.m. the day following. That turned out to be a 15.5 hour fast. Again I was really hungry at the time I ended the fast, but I was more sane this time. I really did not want to experience the compulsive stuffing again so I thought about how I was going to end the fast in a better way.

I decided to go to Panda Express. I still could not wait to eat so decided on fast food rather than prepared at home food. ( I was hungry NOW.)  If I had had a salad already made that would not have happened. I ordered the Shanghai beef, green bean chicken, and mixed veggies, plus one chicken egg roll. Wonder of wonders I could only eat half of it. Actually the same thing had happened the day before but I ignored my body and ate the pizza, but today, I did not ignore my body. When I felt full I stopped eating. Yeah! That felt better!!

I actually put on about 3 pounds overnight with the pizza stuff! But Im not stopping the fasting experiment, just yet. I need to give it some time and see what really happens after I get settled into it.

Ive been really impressed with two sources of information I found on the internet which are:

1.  http://eatstopeat.com/ -- which is a book you have to buy [$37] (but the infomercial part has a lot of good information about the author and fasting) even if you dont buy it. I bought it because I wanted to get as much information as I could. This plan advocates the 24-hour, once or twice a week fast, and has a ton of just good information about fasting, itself.

2.  http://www.precisionnutrition.com/intermittent-fasting -- which is a free book-sized PDF -- this one has a more "this is my story" approach but still backs everything up with research. This one also advocates more of a DIY fasting with instructions on how to fast according to your life style and goals. This one recommends a daily 16-hour fast/8-hour feed for men, daily 14-hour fast/10-hour feed for women or newbies of either gender, and also the 24-hour once a week fast just like number one above suggests. Dr. Berardi makes it perfectly clear that you can choose to do a 12-hour fast/12-hour feed, too -- or any combination that you are able or willing to try -- with guidelines.

I got a lot of good information out of both of them. The "Eat Stop Eat" has much more of the science and reasons and background of fasting and how the body responds over differing fasting time periods. It gave me enough proof to believe that fasting will end up actually being good for me health wise and also help me lose weight. The author, Brad Pilon, shares his own education background and I really do recommend his book to anyone else who is interested in an excellent basic primer on fasting.

The second one "Experiments with Intermittent Fasting" by Dr. John M. Berardi with Dr Krista Scott-Dixon and Nate Green will give you all the information you could ever use about how to incorporate the fast neatly into your life. It will help you figure out which one to start with and how to go about it. I highly recommend this one, too. And of course number 2 is FREE which is always a plus!! They are both PDF downloads, too, so you get the information instantly, which I always like.

So far, for myself, Im enjoying the new experience of feeling what hunger really feels like. It does not come with pictures in my head, which is a sure sign of "mental hunger" and addiction rather than actual physical hunger. There is a particular feeling that shows up in my stomach area and since I now know that fasting for a few hours is actually healthy, I embraced it and enjoyed the new experience!!

Of course, I have actually felt this before, but now that I am better educated on the subject of fasting, I did not feel alarmed or compelled to go and get something to eat right this very minute. I could wait and knew that it would not cause trauma or injury, of any kind, to me. The new "fast" information set me free from the fear that I might injure myself if I missed a meal or two or three in a row! It is so funny that we actually fear missing a meal. We dont think about that. We just feel it and eat, but once you begin to notice it, and have backed up the experience with education, then it is simply NBD (No Big Deal).

I kind of like it. Of course, what you eat in between the fasting hours is also important. Both of these men suggest that you not change "what" you eat, just "when" you eat to begin with. Especially if you are already following a particular eating program. Brad Pilon even suggests that you dont have to diet at all, if you follow his program of twice a week 24-hour fasting. The fasting will be the thing that reduces your caloric intake and you wont have to weigh, measure, and count what you are eating the rest of the time. You should eat sensibly meaning healthy kinds of food, in healthy amounts when you eat, and simply stop eating for a short time and then eat again. That is why his book is called "Eat Stop Eat."  You eat good food, not junk food, then fast, then eat good food again.

Im still not exactly sure which one I will end up doing. I would like to do the 16/8 but since I am a woman maybe I should do the 14/10. So far it is not so bad. Ill let you know how it goes.

Be back soon,

Marcia

As a class, people who dont drink at all have a higher mortality risk than light drinkers. But nondrinkers are a diverse bunch, and the reasons people have for abstaining affects their individual mortality risk, in some cases lowering it on par with the risk for light drinkers, according to a University of Colorado study.

Multiple studies have shown that the likelihood of dying for people who drink increases as they consume more alcohol. Those same studies have shown that a persons mortality risk also increases at the other end of the spectrum — among people who choose not to drink at all — though the risk is still much less than for heavy drinkers.

Some researchers have hypothesized that the increased mortality among nondrinkers could be related to the fact that light alcohol consumption — drinking, on average, less than one drink a day — might actually protect people from disease and reduce their stress levels.

But researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder, working with colleagues at the University of Colorado Denver, decided to examine whether characteristics of different subgroups of nondrinkers could explain the increased mortality risk.

"Among nondrinkers, people have all sorts of background reasons for why they dont drink," said sociology Professor Richard Rogers, director of CU-Boulders Population Program in the Institute of Behavioral Science. "We wanted to tease that out because its not really informative to just assume that nondrinkers are a unified group."

For the new study, published in last months issue of the journal Population Research and Policy Review, Rogers and his colleagues relied on data collected in 1988 by the National Health Interview Survey about the drinking habits of more than 41,000 people from across the United States. The researchers also had access to information about which respondents died between taking the survey and 2006.

During the survey, nondrinkers were asked to provide their reasons for not drinking. Possible answers ranged from "dont socialize very much" to "am an alcoholic" to "religious or moral reasons."

The research team divided nondrinkers into three general categories: "abstainers," or people who have never had more than 12 drinks in their lives; "infrequent drinkers," or people who have fewer than 12 drinks a year; and "former drinkers." Each category was further divided using a statistical technique that grouped people together who gave similar clusters of reasons for not drinking.

The team then calculated the mortality risk for each subgroup compared with the mortality risk for light drinkers, and they found that the risks varied markedly.

Abstainers who chose not to drink for a cluster of reasons that included religious or moral motivations, being brought up not to drink, responsibilities to their family, as well as not liking the taste, had similar mortality risks over the follow-up period to light drinkers.

"So this idea that nondrinkers always have higher mortality than light drinkers isnt true," Rogers said. "You can find some groups of nondrinkers who have similar mortality risks to light drinkers."

The other subgroup of abstainers — whose largest reason for not drinking appeared to be a dislike of the taste and to a lesser degree family responsibilities, religious or moral motivations or upbringing — had a 17 percent higher mortality risk over the follow-up period compared with light drinkers.

The scientists also found that infrequent drinkers generally had a slightly higher mortality risk than light drinkers. Former drinkers, however, had the highest mortality risk of all nondrinkers. Former drinkers whose cluster of reasons for not drinking now included being an alcoholic and problems with drinking, for example, had a 38 percent higher mortality risk than light drinkers over the follow-up period.

By comparison, people who drink between one and two drinks per day, on average, have a 9 percent higher mortality rate than light drinkers, while people who drink between two and three drinks per day have a 49 percent higher mortality. People who consume more than three drinks per day had a 58 percent higher mortality risk over the follow-up period compared with light drinkers.

Despite confirming that some subgroups of nondrinkers have a higher mortality rate than light drinkers, it doesnt necessarily follow that those peoples mortality rates would fall if they began drinking, Rogers said. For example, people who were problem drinkers in the past might increase their mortality risk further by starting to drink again.

Also, people who dont drink at all, as a group, have lower socioeconomic characteristics than light drinkers, which could be one of the underlying causes for the mortality differences, Rogers said. In that case, starting to drink without changing a persons socioeconomic status also would not likely lower mortality rates.

"I think the idea that drinking could be somewhat beneficial seems like its overstated," Rogers said. "There may be other factors that lower mortality for light drinkers. Its not just the act of drinking."

Its been about a couple of weeks since Ive ranted on anything, and I really apologize for that. The fact is... Ive really been exhausted. Ive been exhausted, and in a lot of pain. Id call it chronic pain, but its only chronic in the sense that other events keep happening, and happening, on top of one another, to not let the affected parts of my body just take some time to heal. Its like this stupid domino effect, of sorts, except, well... every time a stupid domino falls, it hurts, and I feel every bit of my 35 years of age.

Where do I start?

Well, lets see... About two weeks ago, while I was walking to our corner supermarket, I fell hard on some ice. And I mean, I fell REALLY hard. The kind of hard where you sit there, wondering if you broke anything, and unable to get back up after a few minutes. (The driver, passing by at about 20 mph, must have had a really good laugh at my expense.) The fall itself was painful, but then the pain didnt seem that bad after a few hours, and the next day, everything was fine.

Except for day 2, and day 3... which were utter hell. Then I felt 70, instead of 35... and in need of some kind of walker. (With apologies to 70 year-olds, who can probably run laps next to me, right now.) Leave it to me, to fall on some almost non-existent ice, on the mildest Winter weve had in at least 30 years. On the 4th day, I felt distinctly better, though not completely healed... But on the 5th day, I had to work -- and as some of you may know -- I work unloading trucks for a local department store, a few days of the week. Of course, I had to help unload a very atypical, large truck of merchandise, so that on day 6, I was back to feeling like I felt on day 2.

At work, I *also* hurt myself... by smashing my left shin against a flat of merchandise, which is still black and bruised, and throbbing, and overall, my joints just dont seem to be holding up so well. Im having some pain in my left ankle, which actually began BEFORE I fell, the week before, from the constant stiffness of needing to walk on ice, and slippery sidewalks.

Many baths with Epsom Salt, and stretching exercises later, and Im still one very achy feeling "old" lady. I also, still have to work tomorrow... It will be my third day in a row, when we usually have some off days in between.

Carpal Tunnel hasnt exactly been playing nice, either, with my poor wrists and elbows (at least on my left arm) not letting me get a good nights rest. I might yet consider some kind of joint support supplement, before this is all over. I mean, I feel like my warranty expired.  Are you tired of the whining yet??? I am. LOL And I have to live with me!

So... reading through one of my dear friends blogs, I found a great, happy post... to sort of help focus some of my crappy attitude right now. My friend, A Diabetic Ballerina, wrote on adding a touch of "bling" to our diabetic tools. She gave me some inspiration to give it a little of my own twist... I may not be able to change a lot of my circumstances, but I can at least laugh while Im doing some of the stuff I have to do.

So Ive decided... that I cant freak out too much about having off diabetes days, from the pain, or whatever else comes my way... if my meter looks like this:

You know what, sweet readers? I’m tired of doing the same ol’ link roundup each Friday. So, this week, I thought I’d change it up and present you with my top ten very favorite things in life. (It’s kind of like Oprah’s list, except no one gets a Volvo in the end.) For special fun, let’s count ‘em down backwards. Hope you enjoy!

10) Golf
Is it a sport? A game? A hobby? A long walk over interminable greens taken by doughy white guys (and Tiger Woods) for eons at a time, narrated by men who are actually whispering, so as not to awaken the seniors who have mistaken the course for their retirement home living rooms? Only god and my dad know for sure.

9) The finale of Roseanne
(SPOILER ALERT) C’mon. You know Dan should have died in Season 5, anyway.

8) The country of Andorra
Once upon a time, I rode with family and friends through terrifying mountains and aneurysm-inducing switchbacks to reach this fine nation, one of the smallest in the world, only to find it’s a big mall for Vespa helmets. But the fine selection of Andorran Sausages (bologna), procured at a rustic local eatery (old diner), consumed next to an awe-inducing collection of European athletes (Luxembourg’s Winter Olympic team – not kidding) made up for the scooter ephemera.

7) Hootie and the Blowfish
Who didn’t hear “Only Want to Be With You” all through high school – in cars and restaurants, Starbucks bathrooms and Girl Scout potlucks, Buddhist retreats and Catholic mausoleums? I can only assume its demanding melody and complex lyrics (“I only wanna be with you / I only wanna be with you”) still resound for young Republicans even today.

6) Sandra Lee’s Baked Potato Ice Cream Recipe
It’s ice cream, dressed like a potato! Think of it like pizza in a lima bean suit, or Jon Hamm wearing a Kim Jong-il costume, or something that you love made to look homely and kind of melting. Sweet!

5) The subway
I wouldn’t trade any of it, whether it’s the surprisingly powerful 94-year-old woman elbowing me on to the third rail, the Williamsburg manorexic ironically wearing the same eyeglasses I was forced to don all through elementary school, or the seemingly button-down businessman clipping his nails over a screeching pack of Park Slope seventh graders all named Julian. I mean it.

4) Armando Benitez
Being a Mets fan would be great if it wasn’t for the 7th, 8th, and 9th innings of every ballgame. Fortunately, we’ve always had guys like ‘90s reliever Armando Benitez, who made sure that every pitch was as exciting as it could possibly be. Sometimes, you could actually see him thinking: Up by 12 runs against the Yankees? Let’s make this into nail-biter!

3) The Prince of Tides novel by Pat Conroy
This book makes me wish I didn’t have emotions.

2) Sinusitis
It’s really neat, that with all the junk packing our skulls – brains and muscles and arteries and whatnot – that our maker left a few holes full o’ nothin’. And it’s even neater that sometimes, those holes can get filled with stuff. And that stuff can be any color of the rainbow, and as soft and squishy or as elastic and bizarrely putty-like as you’ve ever seen. We’re like walking art projects, really, just waiting to be forcefully expectorated on to the nearest Kleenex canvas of life.

1) Mayonnaise
Wow! Mayonnaise is so …

I mean, I love the way it …

Um, so smooshy and…

Okay, you know this is an April Fool’s thing now. I can’t even pretend. Happy Friday, everybody!

Thank you so much for visiting Cheap Healthy Good! (We appreciate it muchly). If you’d like to further support CHG, subscribe to our RSS feed! Or become a Facebook friend! Or check out our Twitter! Bookmarking sites and links are nice, too. Viva la France!

Written by the fabulous Leigh, Veggie Might is a weekly Thursday column about all things Vegetarian.

Gentle Readers, it’s St. Patrick’s day. In honor of the drinkingest holiday of the year, lets talk about booze. Sort of.

Here at CHG, we have a healthy appreciation for hootch, being responsible citizens and lovers of life. A glass of wine, a bottle of cold beer, or the occasional Jager shot a well-crafted cocktail make an evening with friends or a holiday party that much more enjoyable/tolerable.

The flavors of our favorite beverages are unmistakable, and we drink them for their good taste more than their soothing aftefects. Or so we tell Aunt Helen. Ingredients like wine and sherry and Grand Marnier are included in recipes for the same reason. Their flavors are unmatched and give our recipes that je ne se quois we seek.

Red and white wine, vermouth, sherry, beer, bourbon, brandy, and a flavored liqueurs like coffee (Kahula, Tia Maria), orange (Cointreau, Grand Marnier, Triple Sec), and anise/licorice (Ouzo, Pernoud) are commonly used in cooking and baking recipes. These are the staples to have on hand if you’re keeping a well-stocked culinary bar.

But while the we of CHG appreciates a nip with dinner and splash in the cream sauce, the me of CHG is a reluctant teetotaler. I’ve got this brain thing that doesn’t like it when I drink, and while a little bourbon in my pecan pie is probably okay, I just don’t keep the stuff around; it’s not worth the expense for the occasional recipe—or the risk of a trip to the emergency room.

“But Leigh,” you exclaim, “it’s not about the alcohol, it’s about the flavor! And all the alcohol evaporates during cooking!”

Yes: true and mostly true. Most people make tequila chicken for the enhanced flavor the liquor imparts, not to get one up on their friends at margarita night. And most, but not all alcohol is cooked away when booze is applied to recipes, though claims vary as to how much evaporates during cooking. According to Kevin Weeks at NPR.com, “depending on cooking method and time, you can reduce the alcohol by 60 percent by simmering for 15 minutes, or by as much as 90 percent after two hours of simmering.” But when cooking for children or people with health or addiction issues, even a little bit can be too much.

So what then? Weeks suggests choosing another recipe, and I agree if the liquor is the distinguishing feature of the dish, like Julia Child’s famous Boeuf Bourguignon—it’s meat soaked in red wine. Something tells me it would be an altogether different experience if you decided to let your boeuf braise in grape juice overnight.

But if I passed up every fondue or stew that called for a splash of kirsch or a glug of beer, my repertoire would be quite limited—and I could toss away half of the recipes from France. So I improvise with what I have.

For example, broth or stock is an easy substitution for wine or beer in many savory dishes, like soups, sautés, and risottos. Fruit juices, like apple and grape, can replace wine in desserts. If you want a note of acid, add little vinegar. It won’t be the same, as I’m sure some would argue, but it will still be delicious.

In some cases you can just leave out the booze. Fondue will be just as good without kirsch, but keep an eye on it; the alcohol in the liqueur is there to lower the boiling point of the cheese.

In the last year I’ve made two outstanding dishes that were no worse for lack of wine. Both were from the fabulous Viva Vegan, which is still getting heavy play in my kitchen. Red Posole and Beans called for Mexican beer which I replaced in equal measure with vegetable stock, and the resulting stew was to die for.

For Quinoa-Millet Mushroom Risotto, I swapped the 1/2 cup of white wine, traditionally used in risottos, for 1/2 cup of apple juice + 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. It remains one of the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth.

When baking, replace liqueurs with similarly flavored extracts and juices. Vanilla is the most commonly recommended stand in for bourbon; almond extract works great in place of amaretto; and brandy has its very own cooking extract. Orange, apple and grape, and pineapple juices fill the void left by orange liqueur, dry and sweet vermouth, and rum.

Now, it must be said that extracts contain alcohol, which works as a solvent to break down the fruit or herb so that the maximum amount of flavor is obtained. Vanilla extract is 35% alcohol by volume, or 70 proof, not far off from vodka. But the minute amount used in baked goods, partnered with dilution and evaporation, will unlikely cause anyone to feel its effects.

According to Cook’s Thesaurus, 1 tablespoon of brandy extract replaces 5 tablespoons of the real deal, yet measure for measure, they have a similar alcohol content. Extract is a safe alternative unless you’re abstaining for religious reasons or are hypersensitive. Flavored oils, powders, and straight-up ingredients like vanilla beans, may be your best solution if you want to avoid alcohol altogether.

We all love charts, right? Well, here are some handy charts, fresh from the Internet machine, to guide your alcohol-free baking and cooking adventures:

• All Recipes: Common Ingredient Substitutions
  
• Uncle Phaedrus: Wine Substitute
  
• What’s Cooking America: Alcohol Substitutions
  
• Gourmet Sleuth: Alcohol Substitutes
  
• Recipe Tips: Alcohol Substitutions
  

If you have any nonalcoholic baking or cooking tips you’d like to share, the comments are open. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Slàinte!

~~~~

If these bubbles tickled your nose, you’ll lose your head over:

• Baking and Cooking for the Sensitive and Cleansing  
• Converting Those Pesky Weights and Measures  
• 10 Modern Food Myths, Busted

Hi,

My sessions with my physical therapist have ended and I am now on my own. I am using my charts to remind me of not only what I have and have not done, but to remind me what is available to do. My PT told me that using stretchy bands is better than hand weights for me to build core strength and endurance. Im going along with what she said because I suspect that she is right. I have also found a great source for buying the resistance bands online at: http://www.power-systems.com/ 

I have purchased three additional cords that are shorter than the one I have been using. Being shorter makes it easier to do some exercises rather than having to choke up on the cord with my hands in order to increase the resistance. I bought three because they come in different amounts of resistance. The resistance levels are color coded: green (light weight), red (medium weight) and blue (heavy weight) which makes a set for me. They have others that are both lighter and heaver than the ones I purchased. I find that the green one works best for my upper body and the red one works best for my lower body which makes sense to me because my legs are stronger than my arms. I am hoping to move up to the blue one at some point.

The company (Power Systems) is located in Tennessee and I am in Georgia, so when I order something the UPS man brings it in about three days and I am happy with the service. I have also ordered two circular bands of medium and heavy resistance to use for my hip flexes.

I also bought a set of aquatic gloves to wear in the pool for water exercises. It is like putting a"web" on your hands, so you have to pull a little harder to move through the water when you open your hand. The catalog said they increase the resistance of the water by 30 percent so I am excited to begin using them, soon. I investigated getting some water dumb bells like I was using in therapy but they are very expensive, especially if you need more than one size. I am hoping to adapt the gloves to do a similar thing without the expense (they were only about $7.50). I shall report later, on what I find.. I am also not sure they allow water dumb bells in the pool, but what could they say about gloves? They let you wear water shoes, so Im hoping water gloves are OK, too.

I think I spent about a total of fifty dollars for all of this and I dont think that is too much since I have spent hundreds of dollars in the past on exercise equipment, that I did not use, by the way.  I often did not use them because the routines were simply far beyond my capabilities and I would get discouraged, but, after having done the physical therapy I feel very confident that I now have exercises and methods that are suited perfectly to me and I can continue doing them on my own.

It is very difficult for a fat old lady to keep up with fit young people on the exercise routines that come packaged with many pieces of exercise equipment. They make it look so easy. They are fit and toned and the exercises are easy for them. I am neither fit, nor toned, and am actually stiff and old and very heavy, but my physical therapist has taught me what I can do for myself and I am very happy with that.

There are two things I need to do next. One is buy a seasonal fun card at the aquatic center and the other is make an appointment with my chiropractor. I think I over extended myself in my last therapy session and I have been having head and neck and arm pain ever since. I have been doing cervical traction and the exercises my former PT gave me for this situation and it lightens the pain, but it has not quite gone away yet. I dont know why I have not picked up the phone and called, other than I was hoping that what I have been doing would solve the problem. I think I need a little help so I will call him tomorrow and see what he thinks.

I calculated the price of the seasonal fun card and I will be saving myself about a hundred dollars in fees if I really get me going and using it three times a week like I want to do.

The medical front is not so glowing. I have discovered that the shirataki noodles, when over done, such as in "three times a day" is playing havoc with my kidneys. I have a trace of protein in my urine and I know that excessive amounts of carbs is what causes that. So... the shirataki does not raise my blood sugar, but my body reacts to it as if it were a high carb item anyway. I have now reduced my intake back to once a day and will see if that improves that situation. It may be that I will have to reduce them even further.

I guess I should explain why I was eating them three times a day. One day, I decided to have the shirataki twice instead of once and I lost weight the next morning. I tried the same thing on another day and the same thing happened. So I took a day and tested eating them three times in the day -- with every meal -- and I, again, lost weight. After that I started to eat them three times a day in an effort to speed up the weight loss. It seemed to be working but I also noticed that I did not like how I was feeling when eating it that much. 

Also my blood pressure has begun to go back up to its old really high levels again. I dont know if that is the shirataki or the animal protein I am eating.  I am waiting to see if the reduction in shirataki makes a difference but am keeping the protein levels lower, too.  Oddly enough, I have grown tired of eating salads and even though I have the ingredients in the fridge, I am not eating them, out of lack of interest. Since I am cooking meat (mostly turkey sausage) a few veggies and the shirataki into a "stir fry" I seem to have no interest in the fresh raw green salads.

When I initially reduced the shirataki back to once a day, I began eating the salads again, and immediately started to have leg cramps in the mornings -- some of them were pretty bad. That seemed really odd to me, but I think I have zeroed in on the vinegar as being the culprit. I purposely stopped using the home made salad dressing (vinegar and oil) and the cramping stopped happening. (Sheesh... if it is not one thing it is another.) Perhaps that is also why the lack of interest in salads... I dont have any dressing for them.

The official Carbohydrate Addicts program allows salad dressing if there is no sugar in the first four ingredients, so I might have to start going that route for a while to see what happens. My own problem with most salad dressings is that they are almost always made with soy oil and I am not interested in eating soy oil -- or soy of any kind unless it is fermented (as per Dr. Mercolas advice). Perhaps I can figure out a way to make a dressing for myself that does not include vinegar. The thought of just using oil is not so appetizing to me at this point in time. I think I have liked using lime juice in the past. Perhaps that might be a useful bit of information to start with.

Im also taking a stronger dose of the Allopurinol to reduce the uric acid levels in my blood since I was still having gout flare ups in the middle toe on my left foot. I have to take something called Colchrys (I think) if I have a flare up and was really flabbergasted when my druggist told me the price for thirty pills was one hundred and fifty-five dollars. That is a fifteen day supply. I used my mail order Rx from Aetna to purchase a ninety day supply and that came to only $60. What a relief. The druggist said that there are no longer any "generics" for this particular medicine because they have been taken off the market. The lack of competition has made the prices sky-rocket. I had read about that happening but had not experienced it before.

I am very slowly losing weight. At this point in time I have lost 26 pounds and am happy to be continuing to lose weight. I hope I find the perfect diet for me soon. My blog is a record of everything I have tried for more than a year, so you know Ive been working on it. Im wondering when I will finally find the solution that works for me. For now, I shall simply keep on keeping on -- making adjustments as I go.

Reminders to me:

"You can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, or you can get moving."

Goal: Tired, Not Irritated

Goal: Continue to lose weight

Be back soon,

Love you,

Marcia

Dear Sir or Madam,

I do not know your identity. You may be a candystriping Girl Scout, or a grandmother who volunteers 20 hours a week at the Red Cross. You may work to save endangered species, and your dedication to social equity and human rights might make Mother Theresa look like Jeffrey Dahmer on a bad hair day. You may be kind to children, fair to animals, and a patron saint to environmental causes the world over.

I do know that you have a car alarm, and that its gone off twice in the last week, at 3am, for 30 minutes each time. And that makes me hate you.

What is it with car alarms? They seem like leftovers from the 80s, the pride of hyper-vigilant teens and twentysomethings with shiny new Iroc-Zs to protect, presumably from menacing threats like wind and rain. (I do not know what else sets off car alarms.) Yet, especially in the Tri-State area, they are as prominent as Applebees and lower back tattoos. Why they havent been relegated to the dustbin of history, along with stonewashed jackets and Ratt posters, is beyond me.

In fact, I have it good on authority (meaning: my own delusion) that, throughout the course of automotive history, car alarms have deterred exactly two burglars. The first was Borden P. Titmouse, a hapless petty thief doomed by his particularly sensitive hearing and lack of arms below the elbow. The second was a cat who mistook a Chrysler for a hunk of steak. Cats are dumb, see.

The number of people awoken, annoyed, and otherwise driven apoplectic by car alarms, however, numbers in the millions. The billions, even. McDonalds would kill for that kind of demo.

Someday, I may be a mother. And if your car alarm wakes my child - who I presume will have spent the whole day alternately being adorable and vomiting into my open mouth, if Facebook is any indication – I will key it into oblivion, then pound the remaining atoms into a pretty purple paperweight. I dont care if you are the Chairperson of Greenpeace, the head of Habitat for Humanity, and the potential broker of peace in the Middle East combined. You will be upset. Neighboring cars will weep. Charlie Sheen will question my destructive tendencies.

In closing, no one wants to steal your Honda. For the love of god, turn off the alarm.

Love,
The rest of Brooklyn

Oh yeah – the food. About two years ago, we ran a Jamie Oliver recipe for Pappa al Pomodoro, or Tomato and Bread Soup. It was pretty simple, involving some roasted cherry tomatoes, a few handfuls of basil, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Well, brace yourself, Waldo, because this one is even easier, tastes just as lovely, and can be made (almost) entirely from ingredients sitting around your pantry. Except rosemary. You have to buy that. The fresh stuff is worth it.

But, mmmm. So good. Make it now! And dont buy a car alarm.

~~~

If this looks real purty, you’ll be like, “Yeah, y’all!” to these:

• Easy Tomato Sauce
• Grape and Feta Salad with Rosemary
• Tomato and Bread Soup

~~~

Tomato and Bread Soup with Rosemary
Serves 3
Inspired by Jamie Oliver.

Without cheese

 2 cloves of garlic, sliced thin
1 tablespoon fresh minced rosemary
1 tablespoon olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
28 ounces whole canned tomatoes, undrained
1 1/2 cups chicken stock or broth (veggie broth for vegetarians)
About 1/3 large loaf Italian bread, chopped or torn into chunks:
Grated Parmesan, for serving

1) In a large pot or Dutch oven, heat1 tablespoon olive oil over medium heat. Add rosemary and garlic. Sauté 2 minutes. Add tomatoes and broth. Turn heat to high. While mixture is coming to a boil, break tomatoes up with a wooden spoon or good set of kitchen shears. Once it starts boiling, drop heat to a healthy, rolling simmer and cook 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2) Kill heat. Add bread. Gently stir so bread soaks, but doesn’t fall apart. Serve with Parmesan, if desired.

With cheese (avec frommage).

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price Per Serving
183 calories, 5.9 g fat, 3.6 g fiber, 6.9 g protein, $1.05

Calculations
2 cloves of garlic, sliced thin: 9 calories, 0 g fat, 0.1 g fiber, 0.4 g protein $0.10
1 tablespoon fresh minced rosemary: 2 calories, 0.1 g fat, 0.2 g fiber, 0.1 g protein, $0.50
1 tablespoons olive oil: 119 calories, 13.5 g fat, 0 g fiber, 0 g protein, $0.10
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper: negligible calories, fat, fiber, and protein, $0.02
28 ounces canned tomatoes: 151 calories, 0.8 g fat, 7.9 g fiber, 7.3 g protein, $1.25
1 1/2 cups chicken stock or broth: 25 calories, 0 g fat, 0 g fiber, 4.9 g protein, $0.57
About 1/3 large loaf Italian bread, chopped or torn into chunks: 244 calories, 3.2 g fat, 2.4 g fiber, 7.9 g protein, $0.60
TOTAL: 550 calories, 17.6 g fat, 10.7 g fiber, 20.6 protein, $3.14
PER SERVING (TOTAL/3): 183 calories, 5.9 g fat, 3.6 g fiber, 6.9 g protein, $1.05

My health practices have been shaken up considerably over the years, but never more so than the last few days.

First came the report that fish oil supplementation seems to increase the risk of prostate cancer, which I discussed here, noting all the benefits of fish oil.

Next came the report that light drinking may not offer health benefits after all. However, I have documented the many apparent benefits of moderate alcohol consumption here, and while this study will make me feel less guilty when I dont have a drink, I will continue moderate drinking for pleasure, and, I still believe, for health benefits.

The latest disturbing study brings into question the cardiovascular health benefits of resveratrol supplements, which I take religiously, and anti-oxidant supplements in general.

And to top it all off, an article in The Atlantic questions the values of supplements as well, particularly anti-oxidants and focuses on the dangers of vitamins A, C, E, and beta-carotene, all of which I did take but quit some time ago.

Im scared. I dont want anyone to know what I am about to say. It is my hidden secret. It is also the thing that is keeping me from reaching my goal of losing weight. Thats why I feel strongly that I need to get this out. Im not only scared about what others will think of me, I am scared of what I am doing to myself. It is the thing that has secretly crept up on me from reading the things that the fasting researchers and gurus say about fasting. They seem to call the days that you are not fasting "feast" days, although I know I cannot call them that. I often er to them as "feed" days to try to keep my brain in control. Im also ashamed to realize that I have been doing what I "pooh, poohed."

Where did I get the permission to binge? From the idea that on days that you dont fast, you can "eat whatever you want".... this "blanket" permission was meant for normal people. Normal people CAN eat what they want, they are not morbidly obese. They are not me. They dont have an eating "disorder." I also wonder why the eating associated with being morbidly obese is not classified as an "eating disorder." What I do is what a person with bulimia does, except I dont purge. I just binge and then suffer the bodily effects of it which used to simply include putting on weight. Now that I am in my 60s the body is giving definite signs that I need to stop doing this.

Why are you writing this? What to you want to get from it? I want to do this to try to get me off this dangerous roller coaster ride. I want to get the courage to fight the battle instead of always succumbing or yielding to it. It is hard for me to not yield because the feelings are so very strong. They feel overpowering to me. They over power my good sense. I allow them to knock me off course because I so desire to do it. My lust for certain kinds of food, at that time, feels like it is stronger than I am. I know that the food I am seeking to binge on is wrong for me, but I really really want to do it.

What triggers a binge? Im not exactly sure what the real triggers are but I have noticed that the end of a TV program always makes me hungry. I get completely caught up in whatever story Ive been watching and when it ends I feel sad that I will no longer be part of their lives. I feel loss at the end of every story. I really want them to go on forever. I used to eat during every commercial break but I dont have a TV anymore. I watch movies on Netflix on my computer, now.

When does a binge happen? It nearly always happens late in the evening. Sometime around 8 p.m. and can begin as late as 1 a.m., although that is not normal. It usually happens right around 9 p.m. That is the moment I get myself ready to get in the car and go to the store because it is getting close to closing time. If I wait too long I will no longer be able to get the pictured food and will be stuck getting something else. But Ive already been having the images showing up in my brain for, at the very least, an hour. I dont know how long Ive been being bombarded with the desire. I always hold it at bay for a while because I know it is wrong for me.

It always starts the same way. I will suddenly see "bridge mix" in my mind and I feel pleasure in my body. I see the small round candies and I think the words and I feel anticipation. It is as if the words are spoken to me and I get the idea of them in front of me as a goal or purpose. If you dont know what bridge mix is, it is an old time mix of small chocolate covered candies. The candies inside range from malt balls, to some kind of cream candy, to raisins and nuts all in one bag. Some of the candies are covered with dark chocolate and some with milk.  Im hooked on Walgreens brand and dont like other brands because they dont fit perfectly with what I have in mind so I have to get to Walgreens before they close at 10 p.m.

When Im there, I dont only buy bridge mix. By the time I show up at the store I am in complete zombie mode, my cravings and lust are at their strongest and I become like "a kid in a candy store." Although I dont limit myself to candy. In the past I always also bought a box of Black Crows which is a chewy licorice drop, but since I read that licorice can raise your blood pressure, I have actually stopped eating them. I look at and investigate the different licorice packages, but I dont buy them because the danger of raising my blood pressure is real to me and I dont want to do that. I also dont like the licorice to be too hard. If it is too hard I dont buy it. Thats why I used to by the Black Crows. They are soft like I like licorice to be.

It does not stop me from looking. Looking also strengthens the lust, and expands the "field" to something salty. It is like I still toy with the idea but dont put them in my cart. I move on. Having toyed with the licorice, like foreplay, I now turn to something else. I like potato chips but they are so very salty, Im afraid to buy them. I dont really like the taste of the excessive salt. Lays brand always feels like the right brand, but I tried them recently and just cannot handle the taste of the excessive salt. If they had some that said they were "lightly salted" Id probably try those.

By that time, Ive already passed up the small bags of bridge mix and put the large one in my cart. It always seems like buying two of the small bags is a waste of money. Look how much more I can get in the large bag for less. I dont look at the large bag in my cart again after that. It is in there and I know it. I feel the anticipation of the experience of eating them and I savor it pleasantly as I move on to the salty things.

I head for the chip aisle and look around over there but I dont pick up anything. I dont like all the fancy flavors, I like plain chips, but the salt issue prevents them from going into the cart. I keep looking because I am now on a mission. I wander up and down the two salty snack items half aisles looking for that one item I will buy. When I reach the end of the section I turn the cart around. I might circle the cart up to about four or five times as I look at each package. I pass by the cookies, I dont want them. I am looking for a suitable substitute for the chips. The looking is part of the pleasure. I end up choosing a salty snack. Often it is sesame sticks. Last night I also tried a box of pretzel crackers and a bag of Poppycock original with a candy coated popcorn and nuts. (Very few nuts.) I know it is more than what I thought I was going to buy, but I cannot say no, to me when it comes to binge food.

How do you feel while you are doing this? I feel guilty, but I purposefully ignore it. I am not going to allow my feelings of guilt to keep me from my guilty pleasure.

All resistance disappeared just before I entered the door. I turned that all off and am now hot on the trail of my pleasure and indulgence. I keep my composure as I select my cart. I dont want to appear too eager, although I actually feel very eager. It is part of the game or drama. I dont want anyone to know what I am doing, so I might wander down another aisle to camouflage that I am there only to buy bridge mix.

I pick up a few small items as I wander. Things that I actually have another need for. Last night I bought silver nail polish to hide the scraped paint on my silver car. I also bought another bottle of one of my perfumes that I was running low on. I also picked up a can of room fragrance for the one that is getting low in the guest bathroom. Doing this adds credibility to the idea that Im not just there for the candy, although I am actually there just for the candy. Im hiding things from the other customers and the staff. I dont worry about hiding things from the check out clerk. You cannot hide what is in your basket from the cashier. They see everything but they chat and smile and act like everything you have placed in front of them is completely normal. I pretend like it is normal in unison with them. I know it is not normal, but I deny my real intention, to myself. I never change my mind at the cashier. I tell myself that they believe I must be feeding my non-existent family. I never put anything back. I want it too much.

I have now made provision to fulfill my desire. Ive done everything that was necessary in order to have in my hand what I had previously pictured in my mind. I feel satisfaction and anticipation. I used to open the bridge mix in the parking lot before I started the car so I could eat it on the way home, but by the time I got home I knew I didnt really want any more. I dont do that anymore because I want to settle back down in my chair in front of Netflix. I want to be home when I indulge. I want to zone out and start feeling the round chocolates in my mouth. I anticipate the chew and the swallow. I begin savoring the feel and the anticipated bite into the candies. I look forward to watching the next program while I shovel about three or four small candies into my mouth at a time. Over and over again.

The first bite is satisfaction. The second bite is luscious. The third bite is sweetness personified. The fourth bite is too much, but I never let that stop me. I want that same feeling I had with the first, second and third bite, which has now disappeared, but I keep looking and lusting for it. The rest of the bites are sickening but I keep going. When Ive eaten about a third of the bag I become disgusted at the lack of satisfaction and switch to something salty to get the bad taste out of my mouth. I shovel the salty items in, one small handful after another, liking the taste better, but that soon gets obsolete too. I dont let that stop me though. I need some water so I have some swigs from my water bottle and eat some more of the candy and of the salty carb items, hoping to get that rush that I had previously gotten. The rush is now gone and the taste of the food is monotonous and disgusting, but I keep shoveling it in, hoping to get the rush. It never comes again. I no longer desire the food but I cannot believe it. I finally get it that this is stupid and I drop the rest of the bag into the trash.

Ive usually eaten about 3/4 of the bag by the time I throw it in the trash. I always hope I leave it there. I have, in the past, pulled it out of the trash and eaten again. Eeeewww. Sometimes I cant bring myself to throw it in the trash, so I just close the bag and set it aside thinking I wont eat any more. About two hours later, I might do it all again, with the remaining contents of the bags. I did not do that last night. I just dumped them in the trash.

I always feel foolish and wonder why I did what I did. It did not even taste good. What a waste of money and time. Im clear I am never going to do this again. The pleasure lasted for about three bites and I kept it up for a few hundred more, still hoping it would make me feel better. Still looking for the rush. Never believing what is really happening. It always ends up making me feel worse.

But I never seem to remember that part of the binge process when the "bridge mix" craving enters my head in the beginning. I never remember that the last time I did this I told me, "Im never going to do this again." And I do it again. I used to do this once a month. Ive now been doing it about every three to four days. No wonder I recently started to pack on the pounds so quickly.

Now the dread and the after binge starts in. Since I dont purge, what I have eaten now starts to affect my body. I feel a little head achy and draggy. I know that if I do nothing I will fall asleep and wake up with massive cramps in my legs. The first thing I do is take two gymnema tablets and one bitter melon to help better digest the massive amount of sugar Ive just eaten and keep it from raising my blood sugar too high. I know that the electrolytes in my body are going to go out of balance because Ive experienced it so many times before. I make sure to take a potassium citrate and a calcium pill. I also want it to pass through as quickly as possible so I swig down some chia seed gel which makes me "go" a little better.

About an hour later, I begin to feel my heart pounding in my chest and ears. I feel my body vibrate to each pound. It gets really loud and really strong. It is rythmic and seems greatly exaggerated. A little scary. I purposefully start to take slow deep breathes to calm down. Sometimes that helps my heart to calm down. Not always. Last night it did not help. I tried it three or four more times. I realized I might need to take some magnesium but since I had already taken the potassium and calcium those two might handle the problem.

When I laid down in bed I could feel my heart pounding even more loudly and was disturbed by it. I changed to the recliner to put me in a more upright position. I read somewhere that if you are having a heart attack you should remain seated and not lie down. I knew I was not having a heart attack because there was no pain, but I was alarmed that the pounding and upper body pulsing had not subsided.

When I sat up on the edge of the bed, it was better but I could tell it was still there, just not so "loud." In the recliner I could not hear it as intensely but could still feel it was occurring. As I drifted off to sleep I flexed my left food and it got a cramp in it. That was the immediate alarm that I needed the magnesium, so I got up and made me a cup of "Calm." The reaction was so strong that I figured I needed some potassium gluconate, too, so I took one of those, too. I drank the Calm as I played some relaxing games on the computer. It takes about 20 minutes to work. It finally kicked in and I returned to the recliner and slept.

I woke up thinking about the previous nights events. My heart was no longer pounding. I did not have foot or leg cramps and pictured writing this blog entry. I dont want to do this any more. The after effects are getting out of hand -- too strong for me to ignore.

So what will you do the next time "bridge mix" shows up? If I say, "Im not sure," that will be a setup to continue. If I say, "I will never do it again," I might be lying to myself to make me look good to you.

Now that I have revealed the whole process I feel enlightened and a little more free. Ive now laid down in writing what I previously kept hidden from all. I can no longer deny it to anyone, including and especially, me.

The Lord used to tell me over and over again that the two lusts (for food and for sex) were the same. How I got over the sex one was with a gargantuan effort, a huge struggle and complete victory with the words, "No, I am not going to do that." I remember the battle. I was only able to win with the help of Jesus.

I am preparing for that battle once more. I am resolved. I will do battle. And, with the help of Jesus, I shall be victorious.

I shall share the story of the battle because I need to win it and sharing helps me win. Knowing Im going to share it will help me win. I need the fasting, but I need to eat properly the rest of the time. Please pray for me to have continued victory in this area.

Be back soon,
Marcia