Health for life

To start, just a quick thing from yesterday: That quote I attributed to Mark Twain wasnt from him at all, but a paraphrased statement by Clarence Darrow. Its been amended.

With that aside, on to todays question!

Q: Over the last few weeks, weve discussed food shopping at Trader Joes, CostCo, and multiple supermarkets. But I was curious: Where do you most frequently shop?

A: For me, in order of frequency, its:

• My local supermarket (once a week)
• This family-owned produce tent around the block from where I work (once a week)
• This family-owned bulk good store around the block from where I work (once every three weeks)
• CostCo (once a month)
• Trader Joes (usually wine, occasionally party foods)
• This butcher around the block (rare)

Also, I hit up farmers markets on occasion, when the weather is warmer. This has changed pretty often over the years.

How about you, sweet readers? Your answers will help us determine where to focus our blogging efforts from here on out. Fire away!

Want to ask the interweb a question? Post one in the comment section, or write to Cheaphealthygood@gmail.com. Then, tune in next Tuesday for an answer/several answers from the good people of the World Wide Net.

One of lifes many reminders that  I am not alone, with diabetes.

"Who are you?," I asked, as strange and odd faces peered over me, picked me up and placed me on a stretcher. "What am I doing here?"

No one answered.

The world felt really odd, and weird. My head, compressed and pained, while my vision was at odds with my mind... as if I had put on a pair of someones prescription glasses many times more powerful than my own vision, and making everything in sight oddly concave.

"She keeps saying that!" said the voice of a red headed woman with too much eye make up, in an exasperated tone, and incredulous that I could not remember who any of them were. Funny, I thought Id only asked once. The attention was unnerving, and frightening... and their annoyance was oddly embarrassing. I really wanted to get out of there, and go home... If only I could of remembered where home was.

On October 26th, 2007, I had a massive seizure at my desk, at work... Or so they tell me. I cant remember when it started, or what provoked it... I cant remember much of anything about it, or that day, for that matter.

All I can remember is laying in a hospital bed, in a medical gown and no underwear, under the gaze of my former Human Resource Manager, and trying hard not to look like a woman whos not wearing a bra. He was a brutish man, with a hot temper, and little human resource education. Its the way of the world in some of these up and coming companies. You get to be buddy-buddy with the head honchos, join the good ol boys club, and then it doesnt matter if you have any qualifications for a job. His way of qualifications was a 6 month stint as temporary HR manager back in 1984. (Yes, you can laugh out loud.)

... And so it was that a company who sold out to a much bigger company, coincided with a production foreman (wise in the ways of verbally intimidating employees) being made into an HR Manager (a position which requires extreme diplomacy), and me... developing extremely debilitating, and uncontrolled type 2 diabetes, with no one knowing what it was, at the time.

It was a perfect storm, really.

They needed to cut down on employees... and I got sick. I was a good target. We all knew they were going to cut SOMEONE. They kept having all those behind closed doors meetings. And no one knew what I had at the time, so I got to be made to look like a mediocre employee who just wanted to play hooky and not show up to work. A great way to cut staff (and I made quite a bit of money, in my position, so it was quite the savings for them, I am sure). They had already tried to intimidate me... by demoting me, claiming I was unorganized, and had made many mistakes. (It didnt matter that, when I asked, they had absolutely no examples to provide to back up their assertions, other than my illness related absences, which had been closely monitored by my doctor... nor that a few months earlier, they had given me perfect praise... nor that my previous review had been above excellent.) They wanted to break ME as a person, and get me to quit. They wanted to treat ME as worthlessly as another unskilled production employee.

So, I had a seizure. It was on a Friday, and I spent a really ill weekend at the hospital. Went home on a Sunday, with a very chewed up tongue, migraines and dizziness issues... And when the HR Manager demanded I be at work on Monday -- but couldnt do so, for obvious reasons -- he fired me. The company NEVER contested my claims for unemployment insurance; they never even showed up for the hearing.

I cant tell you... HOW MUCH I have blamed myself over the years. How much I have felt like a worthless person who just couldnt keep running as hard as she could, who couldnt just grin, and bear it. Still, to this day, I sometimes have many nightmares... sometimes reoccurring dreams where someone calls me, forgives me, and just gives me back my job. I loved my job. I loved making a difference. I loved making people smile with my organizational skills, and my programming skills, and my language interpreting skills. I loved interviewing new hires, and giving new employee orientations, and speaking to big audiences... I loved educating, and writing, and speaking, and everything I did. I had been promoted to a better position within 4 months of hire, and given hefty salary raises for my skills. I had dreams of further certifications, promotions, and continuous education degrees. I LOVED MY JOB. I loved my life. 

For many years I felt like I lost my soul on that day. I lost my soul, and I let myself go. I let myself go, and felt like I died. Long, lost, and forgotten... someone who forever had ruined her life. I felt great shame, and hurt. Great anger.

Diabetes came into my life with a BIG bang, and like a tsunami... washed up many parts of my life with it. Great post traumatic stress took over, and made me shy away from new jobs, job situations, and new friendships. Finding a job, a permanent one, and keeping it... for the last 5 years has been HARD. I wanted to cry and wallow in self pity.

Diabetes is HARD. And its often embarrassing. And people JUDGE you. They do. People DONT understand. People think their lives are textbook examples for how other peoples lives need to be. They judge you, and they often try to bring you down.

But you get up. You get up, and pick up the pieces of you... as many times as you need to... and you keep going.

I now work minimum wage. I dont do anything near as glamorous as I once did. I have two jobs. I work unloading trucks, and at a fast food place. I dont even have a car. I walk long and far... just to make minimum wage. But I am... OKAY. Im OKAY, and I am even happy, sometimes. Heck, Id say most of the time.

My bosses dont really get diabetes... but they LISTEN,  and they try to understand, and try to help me be safe at work, and make concessions. My coworkers LISTEN, and they care... My bosses let me be ME, with diabetes. They let me be ME, in spite of diabetes. Sharing with coworkers the other day, and even opening up about my traumatic past, really made realize... that its OKAY. That I can move on. THAT I AM SAFE.

Sometimes, some of those people I used to work with at the Human Resource job, show up for lunch at the fast food place. They seem to look down upon me with a certain pity in their eyes, or with embarrassment that I am doing a fast food job, and I just smile kindly back to them. I smile because Im happy, and they dont understand my journey... and I hope they NEVER have to.

I smile... because though I loved, and miss my job... happiness and freedom are not found in jobs, nor what people think of us. They are found in those 5 year detours in the desert... when all you have is YOURSELF.

(... And, ironically, the original founder and owner of the company passed away, not long ago, of type 2 diabetes complications. I may have lost my job, money, insurance, etc... but I guess at least I still have my life... and boy am I LIVING it.) 

Im back... "So, where have you been?" you might be asking. Ive been doodling and wandering. Ive been trying new things and hiding out. Ive been to the emergency room, the doctors office, and the drug store so Ive been dealing with a few health issues which I will briefly tell you about later in the blog.

I dont think I can even get it clear in my head where and what I have been doing but here is where I am now: The night before last I watched a movie on Netflix called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" by Joe Cross, a guy from Australia who came to the U.S. to travel around doing a documentary about his 60 day juice fast. I watched it again, last night and I feel really motivated to try this out. But first...

In my last blog post I was trying out the "Potatoes Not Prozac" potato before bedtime bit to see if it really did make me feel better. Oddly enough it did, but my blood sugars began to run high again. Of course I was not properly monitoring the blood sugar thing so this was unbeknownst to me (of all people). I had begun to substitute sweet potatoes and to use red potatoes for a break in the routine. I really dont remember what else I was doing with my eating. I was mostly sticking to the salads but having pizza a couple of times a month. I would also go to Golden Corral and the Hong Kong Buffet which is across the street from the mobile home park I live in, a couple of times a month.

At the time of my last entry I was also still on unemployment which was coming to an end and I was getting a little stressed that I had no idea how I was going to support myself when that simply disappeared. The one good thing that happened is that God came through with His promise and I got approved for SSDI. So now I am no longer unemployed, I am now retired. Thank God!!

To make a long story short on June 16 I discovered that I have a blood clot in my right leg which goes from a little above my ankle to my knee. The good news is that it is in a superficial vein and not a deep vein which means there is no danger that it might break off and go to a lung. The other good news is that the doctor at the emergency room told me it was "tickling" a deep vein so it was caught just in time. I gave myself 4 shots of a heparin like drug (I had two in the emergency room over the course of a two day period for a total of 6 of these shots and still have the bruises to prove it :). I am now on warfarin which is a blood thinner to help dissolve the clot. I was given a 30 day supply and my doctor has given me a whole list of natural things to take to boost the activity without taking more warfarin.

Then about six days later I got an attack of gout in the middle toe of my left foot. Doc gave me some medication to take for that but only until the pain and stuff is gone. And I am supposed to eat cherries. My blood sugars are better now and the inflammation (which is the cause of these health problems) is going down.

At that time my doctor put me on yet another "program" to try out. I was motivated to try it because of the health issues but over a short period of time I am finding Im not sure I like the results. Part of the program was to re-introduce dairy and fruit which I have done, but I dont like the way it makes me feel and the ankles have swollen again. So I am looking at doing a vegetable and fruit juice fast which they call a "reboot" on the Fatsickandnearlydead.com web site.

Because of my track record I am a little worried that it might just be another "try-it-for-a-few-days" program that I give up on, but I wont really know if it works for me until I try it. I am reluctant to decide how many days to do it for and kind of want to do it for a few days just to try it out. I did the "test" at the web site and was advised to do the "Reboot Entry Program" but that turns out to be different than what Joe and Phil did in the video.

In the video Joe consulted with Dr. Furhman and got the "go ahead" to do the fast. What he did was to use a Breville juicer to juice all kinds of fresh raw vegetables and fruits into a liquid diet for 60 days. In that time He lost a lot of weight by juicing and simply traveled about talking to people on his documentary. He happened to meet a guy named Phil Staples in a Winslow, Arizona truck stop parking lot and interviewed him on the documentary. Phil had the same skin disease that Joe had and they kind of connected because of that common territory. It is a rather rare disease and Joe had never met anyone else with the same malady which is an autoimmune disease that makes the skin break out in a rash and blisters that is painful and itchy. It is not shingles because it can erupt anywhere on the body at any time. They were both put on prednisone to try to control it but were taking lots of drugs and the disease was not going away.

Phil was not ready to try the juice fast, but Joe offered to help him if he decided he wanted to try it. A short time later (perhaps weeks or a month or two -- I dont remember) Phil gave Joe a call and asked him to help him to try out the juice fast. Joe, who was back home in Australia by then, flew back to Iowa where Phil lives and helped him to visit a doctor and get set up on the program. He stayed with him until Phil knew how to use the juicer and how to do the program, and then went back home. They kept in touch on the phone.

Phil was going to do the juice fast for 10 days to see how it went. At the end of that time he went on to do the 30 days, then went on to do it for 60 days. In 60 days he lost 120 pounds. (I think those are the correct numbers.) The film is kind of amazing and I had to watch it again the next day. Because both of their journeys were documented on film you can see the changes happening in them both. I especially liked Phils story. When he started the juice fast his face had a rather grey palor to it and when he was done his skin and face was glowing and he looked like he had shed about 30 years along with the 100 pounds. He began to actually look like the young man he really is.

You really ought to take a look at the film, just to see the transformation. I watched it at Netflix, but you can buy the DVD for about $20 or get it at Blockbuster (if you still have one near you) and view it. They also have some testimonials on their web site that are interesting to view but I liked the film the best and think I will watch it again.

So far I have purchased a juicer (from discountjuicers.com) which is being shipped to me. I have also followed my physical therapists advice and have a couple of swim suits coming too. (Im not sure what size so I ordered two different sizes to see which one fits the best.) My doctor prescribed physical therapy to get me moving again and wants me to exercise in a pool because it is easier on my body and will also keep the leg with the clot in a state of "compression" while I get moving again. Last Wednesday was my first day in a pool of any kind for about 15 years and I realized how much I missed it. So when the swim suit comes I am going to sign up at an indoor pool close to my house to go and exercise a few times a week in the pool. I will be doing the therapy for another 10 weeks, too.

So. Here I am, about to begin another new program. Im not so sure of myself as I begin, but the ideas seem to be good. The fruit and vegetable juicing will be similar to the "raw for 30" program in that it will be "vegan." Oddly, enough, going "vegan" was a problem to my mind but juicing does not seem to be a problem. The foods are the same so the results should be the same. I am expecting a full reversal of the diabetes, a lowering of the blood pressure... and this time, some weight loss, too. Im still feeling reluctant to choose a time table whether it be five days, ten days, or 30 days or even 60 days. I guess I am afraid to begin. Im afraid I might fail or allow myself to be pulled off track.

You know... putting a voice to the fear kind of puts it in perspective. The only thing I seem to be afraid of is failing. Fear of failure is a symptom of "perfectionism" which harbors the idea, "If I cant do it without failing, I wont do it at all." That kind of thinking is a setup for defeat. I think I have been afraid of being ashamed of myself for not being successful or perfect. But, heck, Ive had to walk the "failure" path for a long time. Im going to take the advice I read from the Hellers book "The Carbohydrate Addicts Lifespan Program" which is this:

If you suddenly were losing weight and not feeling good the doctor would investigate to find out why this is happening. They would not blame you, the victim, they would find the imbalance in your body and attempt to correct it. Why dont they do that when you put weight on? There is an imbalance in the body of the fat person that causes them to overeat. Their insulin is not working properly and the response is to over eat because an insulin overload makes you hungry!! Insulin is the "hunger hormone." So this means that if you are fat it is not your fault, either!! You are not some kind of pig with no self control. You are not lacking in moral fiber or have a low below level character or intelligence quotient. You have an insulin imbalance! The Hellers program is geared to help you level the insulin and live a healthy eating lifestyle and can be found at http://www.carbohydrateaddicts.com/.

Im going to kick start my program with a juicing "reboot." I am really very tired of trying programs that dont let me lose weight, too. Yes, I do want my blood pressure to be normal. Yes, I do want my blood sugars to be normal. And yes, I do want to have my weight be normal. I think juicing will be a good healthy way to get those things started. I need some good results. I want to feel like what I am doing is accomplishing something.

We shall see. I will be blogging about it as I go. I know I need the support of the blogging experience. So. As soon as I get the juicer I shall begin the program. I have enough time to get my body ready for it by letting go of the dairy (again). I dont have to worry about the grains, they are already gone. I dont have to worry about sugar, it is gone -- except for Stevia. The meat has been minimal so that should not be a problem.

From the video testimonials on the Fat Sick and Nearly Dead web site I can see there is a kind of "withdrawal period" that seems to take from about three to six days. The first three days being the worst. By day four they seem to turn a corner and things begin to be better after that. Based on that it looks like I should do the 10 day fast first. Then I can decide where to go from there.

I also have enough time to get my spirit ready for it.

Ps 103:2-6 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

Looking forward.

Be back soon,

Marcia

Remember the last Health Wonk Review?  The Disease Management Care Blog recalls being impressed by the description of the "Health Care Cost Institute," a not-for-profit outfit that was established to store de-identified commercial insurance claims data for research purposes. The participating health insurers are Kaiser, Aetna, UnitedHealthcare and Humana. The database covers 33 million individuals less than age 65 years with employer-sponsored insurance. The DMCB suspects its personal Aetna claims information is in there, somewhere.

The DMCB is more impressed, because the HCCI has just released its first report on 2009 and 2010 health care cost trends. Its full of insights. 

To wit:

1) If youve wondered why your 2010 personal health insurance cost so much, its because per capita spending was $4,255. This suggests insurers are not the only problem.

2) Costs in 2010 increased over baseline by 3.3% and was driven by an increase in unit prices (i.e., charges), not by greater utilization or overall mix of services.  This suggests providers are charging more for their services.

3) While costs increased, beneficiaries out-of-pocket costs grew at a faster rate. In 2009, they paid 15.6% of their bill, while in 2010, they paid 16.2% - an increase of 3.8%.  This suggests that insurers are passing a small but painful amount of the additional 2010 provider charges to the consumer.

The DMCB says bravo to the four insurers for making this information available.  This and promised future reports should shed light on health care cost trends.

Image from Wikipedia

Will the future Steve please stand up?

At his now famous Stanford University commencement speech, Steve Jobs made a point of telling the audience that he never graduated from college.  In listening to his story, the Disease Management Care Blog suspects Mr. Jobs really "programmed" his own higher education with a combination of internships and on-the-job training that enabled him to achieve those 10,000 hours necessary to create a world-class expert.

One reason for this, of course, is that healthcare, compared to the computer/handheld industry is truly different: unlike those glowing devices at BestBuy, healthcare intermediaries approve products and set pricing in a dense web of protective regulations.  This suggests that the absence of a "medical Steve Jobs" is no historical accident.  Rather, its symptomatic of a market that makes true breakthrough innovations practically impossible.  Instead of visionaries, we have Secretaries of HHS; instead of "killer apps," we await more outcomes data; instead of product launches, we have the Federal Register; instead of cheaper, better products today, were constantly trying to get someone else to pay for what we needed yesterday.

Nothing new there, but heres one more thing to consider when we think about Mr. Jobs training:  A key ingredient in his education was his "outsider" status that enabled him to bring a unique perspective and turn the industry on its head.  Contrast his lack of any recognizable credentials with healthcares unceasing reliance on vetted and insider MDs, PhDs, economists, academics, administrators, bureaucrats and other such experts on various Boards, Agencies and Panels. 

Steve Jobs tested his insights in a marketplace filled with consumers and changed the world.  Healthcares expert class is imposing their assumptions on the same consumers and are preserving a dysfunctional system.