Showing posts with label part. Show all posts
Showing posts with label part. Show all posts
Why Are Food Allergies on the Rise Part 1 GMOs
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
If youve worked with kids lately, or if youre a new parent yourself, then Im sure you know all about this epidemic of food allergies. According to a 2011 study, 8% of American children under 18 have at least one food allergy, and that is up from 4% in 2009 (1). Peanut allergies in particular have been on the rise. In one Midwestern county, the prevalence of peanut allergies in children tripled between 1999 and 2007 (2). But you dont need numbers to realize its a problem. Just spend a day in a school cafeteria. Or a summer camp. Just enter an elementary school classroom at all and youll hear about it; the concern is clearly growing. Dairy may be the most common allergy, and it seems kids can have a reaction just looking at a peanut, but there are others to worry about as well, including wheat, eggs, soy, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish.But it wasnt always this way. When I was a youngster, I dont recall ever hearing about another kid having a food allergy. Maybe the most I ever heard was that a classmate was lactose intolerant. But there was no mention of peanuts. Nobody had a wheat allergy. Nobody went into anaphylactic shock at the mercy of a pistachio. So what gives?? Why are food allergies exploding?
Well, sadly I dont think we know the answer to that question. Much has changed in the food and health world over the past few decades, so we have many likely culprits. Over these next few posts, Ill be exploring the options, in a sort of thinking-out-loud fashion. Excuse me if what follows turns into an incoherent mess.
Genetically Modified Organisms
This seems to be a hot topic right now. Genetically modified organisms (GMOs) are plants or animals that are created through gene splicing techniques. This merges the DNA from different species, creating a new variation of a species that wouldnt be possible through traditional crossbreeding. Example. Say biotech giant Monsanto finds a bacteria that naturally resists an herbicide like Round Up. (They did.) Then they isolate the gene that allows that bacteria to resist the pesticide, and they splice it into corn. (Again, they did.) Now they have a genetically modified strain of corn that resists Round Up. Lets call it Round-Up Ready corn. Now we can grow mass quantities of corn and spray mass quantities of Round-Up on it to kill those pesky things like weeds and bugs, while leaving the corn unaffected. Yes, believe it or not, true story.
The following foods have been approved to be genetically modified: alfalfa, canola, corn, cottonseed, papaya, soy, sugar beets, and green/yellow summer squash (3). You may say, well, thats only 8 foods, thats not that bad. But canola, corn, cottonseed, soy, and sugar beets are nearly ALWAYS genetically modified, and theyre found in nearly ALL processed food. Youd be hard-pressed to find anything in a box or a bag that doesnt contain at least one of these, just look next time youre shopping.
So how do you know if what youre eating contains GMO ingredients? Its not easy. Companies arent required by the FDA to label a product as GMO, contrary to the wishes of the American people. So if you want to know, youve gotta be a detective and read the ingredient list. Or, if you want to make it easier on yourself, you can buy organic. Any food certified organic is free of GMOs. In addition, apparently, GMO fruits and veggies must be labeled with a 5-digit code beginning with an 8, rather than the conventional 4-digit code. Ive yet to see one of these for sale, but no doubt its coming.
But the worst part... we dont even know if eating this stuff is safe. There are some people claiming that the studies have been done and theyve been swept under the rug to hide the incriminating evidence (4). Who knows if theres any truth to that. Then there was this recent study from France, showing that rats eating GMO corn developed breast cancer at a far greater rate than control rats fed non-GMO corn (5). And of course, biotech companies like Monsanto swear by their safety. Its no different than regular corn, they say.
But the fact remains... GMO foods are a science experiment. Nobody in the history of the earth has consumed anything like this, and wed be giving ourselves too much credit as scientists to say "its just the same as corn". Were not even close to understanding all the intricacies of how the human body works, let alone how a brand new franken-food is going to interact with said body. I dont think we know how much we dont know, which is why its always a good idea to default to evolutionary biology... Were designed to eat plants and animals; were not designed to eat herbicide and pesticide resistant corn. We are the subject of a science experiment, and nobody knows how its going to turn out.
But are GMOs causing food allergies?
Is it possible that the recent spike in food allergies has a link to these genetically modified foods? It sure is. The timing works perfectly... GMO foods as we know them today burst onto the scene in the late 1990s (6). Thats just enough time for families to start eating them and start popping out kids with food allergies. Theres no way to know, as of yet, just what GMOs are doing to our health. But given all that Ive said so far, it does seem a bit fishy doesnt it? Yes, fishy indeed. One thing is for sure... if I were to have kids today, GMOs would be one of the first things Id watch out for.
What are your thoughts, reader(s)? Id love to hear your opinion on GMOs.
And stay tuned for the rest of the series. Ill be discussing all kinds of fun stuff, like antibiotics, medications, and dwarf wheat. Come on back!
Historical Context Part 3 Ancel Keys
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Ancel Keys, a University of Minnesota physiologist, deserves much of the credit for convincing the public that dietary fat and cholesterol are killers. He initially became famous through his development of the "K-ration" for feeding combat troops in World War II; the "K" stood for Keys. He then performed a series of human starvation studies and wrote the book "The Biology of Human Starvation", which made him a well-known, reputable nutrition researcher. Originally, Keys did not believe dietary fat and cholesterol had anything to do with the rising heart disease rates, but his opinion changed when he attended a conference in Rome in 1951, where he spoke with a physiologist from Naples, Italy who boasted about the lack of heart disease in his city. The diet in southern Italy was low in animal products, and the people there, especially the poor, tended to have lower cholesterol than those in the United States. The rich in Naples, however, ate more meat, and had higher cholesterol levels and heart disease rates. This convinced Keys for the first time that dietary fat from meat was driving the heart disease epidemic in the United States.
There were two key observational studies performed by Ancel Keys that ended up having an impact on the publics view of dietary fat. The first, which many researchers did not taken seriously, was the 1953 study he performed involving six countries, comparing their fat intake to their heart disease rates. The six countries he reported on (United States, Canada, Australia, UK, Italy, and Japan), showed a very strong association between fat intake and heart disease. Now, of course, this is only an observational study and no cause and effect can be determined. But the biggest problem with his study is that he left out the data from the 16 other countries for which data was available. When all 22 countries are considered, his perfect correlation turns into a much weaker one.
Initially, in 1957, the American Heart Association (AHA) opposed Ancel Keys on the diet-heart hypothesis. They wrote a 15-page report that year denouncing Keys and similar researchers for jumping to conclusions about the diet-heart hypothesis when there was no good evidence that it was true. Less than four years later, in December of 1960, the AHA flipped their stance and adopted the diet-heart hypothesis as their new philosophy on heart health, proclaiming that "the best scientific evidence of the time" strongly suggested a low-fat diet, or at least replacing saturated fats with polyunsaturated fats, is preventative of heart disease. What had changed in that four-year period? Not the evidence. There was no new evidence to either confirm or reject the diet-heart hypothesis. What had changed is that Ancel Keys and Jeremiah Stamler, another supporter of Keys, had now made up two of the six members on the AHA committee. Soon after, Ancel Keys was enshrined as the face of dietary wisdom in America in an article in Time magazine. The article discussed Keys idea of a heart-healthy diet as one in which nearly 70% of calories came from carbohydrates and just 15% from fat. Despite the fact that there was ZERO evidence from clinical trials to back up this claim, the article only contained one short paragraph explaining that Keys hypothesis was "still questioned by some researchers with conflicting ideas of what causes coronary heart disease."
The second important study done by Ancel Keys was considered to be his masterpiece, The Seven Countries Study. This study is still, today, considered to be a landmark study because of the pivotal role it played in the acceptance of the diet-heart hypothesis. Launched in 1956, Keys followed 16,000 middle-aged men for over a decade and tracked their diets and their heart-disease risk. The populations he chose came from seven countries: Italy, Yugoslavia, Greece, Finland, the Netherlands, Japan, and the United States. The results showed, again, a remarkably clear association, but this time the association was between saturated fat and heart disease. Keys drew three conclusions from this study: 1. Cholesterol levels predicted heart disease. 2. The amount of saturated fat predicted cholesterol levels and heart disease. 3. Monounsaturated fats protected against heart disease.
Seems pretty clear huh? Not quite... there are a number of problems with the study. First and foremost, this is an observational study, and like Ive said a million times, you cannot determine any causality from it. Secondly, Keys chose countries that he knew would fit his hypothesis. Had he chosen at random, he may have included countries like France or Switzerland that consume high amounts of saturated fat and have very little heart disease. Third, we know now that middle-aged men are the only population for which total cholesterol numbers can predict heart disease, and the Seven Countries Study only looked at middle-aged men. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, Keys didnt look at total mortality, even though what we really want to know is whether or not well live longer. Coronary heart disease accounted for less than a third of deaths. He said himself in a 1984 follow-up paper, "little attention was given to longevity or total mortality." Interestingly, if all-cause death had been taken into account, Keys would have found that the American population he studied lived longer than any other population with the exception of the Crete islanders, despite their high cholesterol.
Even with all of the problems with Ancel Keys research, his findings on saturated fat and cholesterol would have a profound impact on the public due to a sort-of perfect storm of events that would eventually lead up to the first government dietary recommendations, Senator George McGoverns 1977 Dietary Guidelines for America. More on that in part 4!
There were two key observational studies performed by Ancel Keys that ended up having an impact on the publics view of dietary fat. The first, which many researchers did not taken seriously, was the 1953 study he performed involving six countries, comparing their fat intake to their heart disease rates. The six countries he reported on (United States, Canada, Australia, UK, Italy, and Japan), showed a very strong association between fat intake and heart disease. Now, of course, this is only an observational study and no cause and effect can be determined. But the biggest problem with his study is that he left out the data from the 16 other countries for which data was available. When all 22 countries are considered, his perfect correlation turns into a much weaker one.
Initially, in 1957, the American Heart Association (AHA) opposed Ancel Keys on the diet-heart hypothesis. They wrote a 15-page report that year denouncing Keys and similar researchers for jumping to conclusions about the diet-heart hypothesis when there was no good evidence that it was true. Less than four years later, in December of 1960, the AHA flipped their stance and adopted the diet-heart hypothesis as their new philosophy on heart health, proclaiming that "the best scientific evidence of the time" strongly suggested a low-fat diet, or at least replacing saturated fats with polyunsaturated fats, is preventative of heart disease. What had changed in that four-year period? Not the evidence. There was no new evidence to either confirm or reject the diet-heart hypothesis. What had changed is that Ancel Keys and Jeremiah Stamler, another supporter of Keys, had now made up two of the six members on the AHA committee. Soon after, Ancel Keys was enshrined as the face of dietary wisdom in America in an article in Time magazine. The article discussed Keys idea of a heart-healthy diet as one in which nearly 70% of calories came from carbohydrates and just 15% from fat. Despite the fact that there was ZERO evidence from clinical trials to back up this claim, the article only contained one short paragraph explaining that Keys hypothesis was "still questioned by some researchers with conflicting ideas of what causes coronary heart disease."
The second important study done by Ancel Keys was considered to be his masterpiece, The Seven Countries Study. This study is still, today, considered to be a landmark study because of the pivotal role it played in the acceptance of the diet-heart hypothesis. Launched in 1956, Keys followed 16,000 middle-aged men for over a decade and tracked their diets and their heart-disease risk. The populations he chose came from seven countries: Italy, Yugoslavia, Greece, Finland, the Netherlands, Japan, and the United States. The results showed, again, a remarkably clear association, but this time the association was between saturated fat and heart disease. Keys drew three conclusions from this study: 1. Cholesterol levels predicted heart disease. 2. The amount of saturated fat predicted cholesterol levels and heart disease. 3. Monounsaturated fats protected against heart disease.
Seems pretty clear huh? Not quite... there are a number of problems with the study. First and foremost, this is an observational study, and like Ive said a million times, you cannot determine any causality from it. Secondly, Keys chose countries that he knew would fit his hypothesis. Had he chosen at random, he may have included countries like France or Switzerland that consume high amounts of saturated fat and have very little heart disease. Third, we know now that middle-aged men are the only population for which total cholesterol numbers can predict heart disease, and the Seven Countries Study only looked at middle-aged men. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, Keys didnt look at total mortality, even though what we really want to know is whether or not well live longer. Coronary heart disease accounted for less than a third of deaths. He said himself in a 1984 follow-up paper, "little attention was given to longevity or total mortality." Interestingly, if all-cause death had been taken into account, Keys would have found that the American population he studied lived longer than any other population with the exception of the Crete islanders, despite their high cholesterol.
Even with all of the problems with Ancel Keys research, his findings on saturated fat and cholesterol would have a profound impact on the public due to a sort-of perfect storm of events that would eventually lead up to the first government dietary recommendations, Senator George McGoverns 1977 Dietary Guidelines for America. More on that in part 4!
Food Network Liveblog Marathon Part 1 9 30am to 2 00pm
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Hi, everybody, and welcome to the Food Network Liveblog Marathon! We had such a ball doing the Biggest Loser finale last week, I figured a 19-hour running diary of Food Networks entire broadcast day would be nice way to extend the good times.
Most of this is just for fun, and to see how many ¾-sleeve sweaters I can spot, but I’ll also be keeping a close eye on how Food Network addresses the issues of health and frugality throughout the course of its normal schedule. This will involve a few holiday-oriented shows and possible multiple viewings of Paula’s Cookie Party, so don’t forget to cut ‘em some slack.
Feel free to chime in, too! I’ll be checking comments constantly, and highlighting my favorites as we go along. Criticism is good as long as its not personal or too mean. Funny is encouraged.
P.S. As with the BL Liveblog, this will go backwards, with the most recent commentary appearing up top.
1:59
On to Part II - 2:01pm to 7:00pm!
1:58
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: zero
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: er ... pretty low
HEALTH QUOTIENT: um ... also low
VERDICT: 10/10. Its Ina, and dissent will not be tolerated.
1:57
Jeffrey is playing a trick on Ina, to make her think he ate all the food. This is cruel and unnecessary. Also, I dont know how to spell "unnecessary."
1:51
The lobster pies were just dubbed "rustic." In cooking, is "rustic" a synonym for "messy"? If so, my apartment is very rustic.
1:49
Ina wants us to place pastry dough in the fridge for 30 minutes "to chill and relax." Unmentioned: "to light up some doobage and listen to Steve Miller albums on shuffle."
1:42
She is now making lobster pot pies. I was taught to appreciate fresh-from-the-animal lobster meat from a very young age, and always hesitate to use it in any recipe. I mean, what if I mess it up? And why would I want to dilute lobster flavor? But Im going with this, Ina. I trust you. Be caul with my heart.
1:40
Ina is visiting her fishmonger. I like to picture her being personal friends with her various mongers, and at the end of every year, they all have a giant monger party. Where they mong out, presumably.
1:36
Ina is wearing a black button-down instead of her usual denim one. If youre not a regular viewer, this means nothing to you, but if you are, its a plot twist on par with The Sixth Sense.
1:34
Husband-Elect, are you reading this? If so, can we go to Inas kitchen for our honeymoon? I will let you have the Gandalf ice carving if you say yes.
1:32
Shes making chocolate gelato. For Jeffrey, of course. CURSE YOU, JEFFREY!
1:31
THE SHOW: Baoot Contessa! WOOOO!
THE HOST: the lovely Ina Garten
THE CONCEPT: incredible food served by a woman you want to hang out with ALL THE TIME
1:28
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 0, though the sleeves of her regular sweater were rolled up
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: high
HEALTH QUOTIENT: negative numbers
VERDICT: 7/10, for too many "yummos
1:26
On a related note, do you ever wonder if RR narrates her everyday movements when shes at home? "Well, Im goin to pick up my toothpaste like this. Awesome! Then Im going to grab my toothbrush like this. Yummo! Now Im gonna bring it up to my mouth, and run it back and forth across my teeth. All right! And we end by spitting the froth into the sink. Big finish!"
1:21
Toffee Hot Cocoa was just described as "SUPER delicious." Just once, I want a TV chef to say, "You know what? Its a broccoli recipe. It tastes slightly better than burlap, but if we dont get some veggies in our diets, well die."
1:19
Rachael is excellent at remaining upbeat. When youre makin TV, its really, really tough to turn on the cheer when youre not feeling it. But she manages. I dig that.
1:14
A haiku for Rachael:
You carry so much
but is that nutmeg ever
a burden too heavy?
1:11
Were having "ahh-some wanh-ffles" here everybody, but not before we eyeball the molasses.
1:06
Whenever RR asks us to "eyeball" something, I picture pouring the item (fennel, cloves, oil, etc.) on our actual eyeballs. This is not the intended meaning, I understand, but ... need more coffee.
1:03
Rachael is making sausage, and her accent ("sah-sidge") is making me miss my friends in Rochester and Buffalo. (*sniff*) You guys, lean ground chicken breast reminds me of you.
1:00
THE SHOW: 30-Minute Meals
THE HOST: Rachael Ray
THE CONCEPT: A nice woman from Western New York makes a meal in an unmentioned allotment of time.
12:59
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 1 (You can always count on Giada.)
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: medium; risotto is cheaper than you think
HEALTH QUOTIENT: pretty low
VERDICT: 10/10, for much-appreciated gratuitous use of champagne
12:57
For dessert, its Raspberry Limoncello Champagne and an Espresso Panna Cotta. Forget plain ol pregnancy. These will get you a Duggar-style reality show on TLC.
12:51
I love that PR folks think well enough of CHG to send us offers, but ... uh ... my name is Kristen. Not Christine. And I dont have kids. And I hate mayonnaise. Just sayin.
12:48
Champagne Risotto with Asparagus is Gs next date night recipe. (P.S. The theme of this show is "Date Night." Now you know.) Served with Chiarellos Peppermint Chocolate Tiramisu and Nigellas Espresso Martini, there is a 100% chance you will be pregnant by the end of the night.
12:46
This is the 37 millionth time the Le Cordon Bleu commercial is airing, and its only 12:46. If I hear, "Get your career cooking ... LITERALLY!" one more time, I will literally jump through the TV and broil that guy.
12:42
Giadas "this is so good" claw: check.
Giadas tasting O-face: check.
Still waiting for first pronunciation of "pan-CHET-tha."
12:37
Giada is frying some oysters. When shes done, they will be "sweet and tender, which is how your date will act after he eats them." I assume this means my date will also be breaded and covered in marinara sauce.
12:34
My Ma is as Irishiest of Irish ladies, but insists on pronouncing Latin and Italian foods as they would be in the native language. This means "mozzarella" is "mooz-a-dell" and "parmesan" is "parrrr-mi-jhan." Giada also does this. Giada is my Ma.
12:32
Giada starts out with panna cotta, or translated, "theres a cot in my pan."
12:31
THE SHOW: Everyday Italian
THE HOST: Giada DeLaurentiis
THE CONCEPT: Hot, talented chef makes authentic Italian dishes and funny tasting faces.
12:29
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 0, though her blouse has shorter sleeves, yall
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: high, yall
HEALTH QUOTIENT: super, super low, yall
VERDICT: 9/10, for gentility, yall
12:23
Gingerbread Michael (Paulas husband) has white chest hair, a mohawk, and appears to be wearing a diaper. How does Real Michael feel about this?
12:19
Edit - Paula is making gingerbread men AND women. Later, they will create gingerbread babies together, unless they use gingerbread prophylactics.
12:12
Paulas making Gingerbread Men, and "when we come back, Im gonna show you how we bring these little [guys] to life." This is going to involve lightning and tiny brain transplants, isnt it?
12:06
Analogy time!
Paula Deen is to Fantasy Grandma as George Clooney is to _______.
A) Fantasy Boyfriend
B) Fantasy Shortstop
C) Fantasy Island
12:04
How you can tell this is an early episode: wrinkles, natural lighting, no cackling, zero appearances by Bobby and Jamie. I miss the cackling, yall.
12:02
Butter count: 1 stick so far.
12:00
THE SHOW: Paulas Home Cooking
THE HOST: Paula Deen, yall!
THE CONCEPT: Today, its cookies. But most days, its butter. Just butter.
11:59
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 0 (it was full-length)
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: high - nothing was outrageous
HEALTH QUOTIENT: very low - I question serving some of these to kids as dinner
VERDICT: 6/10, for questionable usage of vessels
11:58
Robin blended strawberries and yogurt, and I thought for sure it was going to be a smoothie. But she poured it in a bowl, so now its a soup. If she poured it in a votive glass, would it be a candle?
11:52
Chopping montage! In general, wouldnt cooking would be much more awesome if all our chopping was set to Michael Jackson? Here, try it.
11:50
Good tip from Robin: make vinaigrettes and dressings in the bottom of the salad bowl, then toss everything afterward.
11:45
Once and for all: is cumin pronounced "keeyou-min" or "coo-min"?
11:43
Weve moved on to Mexican fondue, meaning cheese, spinach, artichokes, and salsa melted together. Im still deciding how I feel about this. Also: "take it to a whole new level" should be retired permanently, as should "outside the box."
11:36
Robin is having a tough time lifting her skillet. I can relate, having the upper body strength of a fetal chihuahua.
11:32
Robin is searing some scallops, and she just poured a dang gallon of olive oil into a large skillet. Look, I know olive oil is one of the healthier cooking fats, but 1/4 cup per serving doesnt do anyone any good. (Now getting off my high horse before I hurt myself.)
11:31
THE SHOW: Quick Fix Meals
THE HOST: Robin Miller
THE CONCEPT: Week-long dinners for busy families, with Oprah-esque theme song.
11:30
End of show. How you know: the wine comes out, and Mike changes into a red t-shirt under a charcoal grey blazer. Very Napa.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 1/2
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: low
HEALTH QUOTIENT: low
VERDICT: 8/10, for Peppermint Chocolate Tiramisu and general attractiveness
11:27
Why dont the Food Network hosts ever wash their own pots and pans? They should have a show made up entirely of Ina Garten and Bobby Flay doing dishes. I guarantee it would be a ratings winner.
11:23
He just poured about a cup of red wine into risotto, making it look like brains. Delicious, delicious brains. Again, the ugly/tasty paradox has been proven.
11:19
While I like Michael Chiarello, he suffers a bit from John Kerry Syndrome: you know hes totally great at what he does, but you dont necessarily want to have a beer with him.
11:15
Food Network Drinking Game, Rule #5739: Drink whenever a host claims he/she is "going somewhere," "checking the market out," or "has some errands to run" during the commercial break. We know you need more than four minutes to hit up the orchard, Chiarello.
11:13
Up next: a Peppermint Chocolate Tiramisu. I have never heard a finer collection of words. (P.S. Did you know "tiramisu" means "pick me up"? Me neither. Thanks, Mike!)
11:12
Currently, hes adding a TON of ground fennel to already fennel-heavy roast. Moderate amounts of fennel are always appreciated, but this looks like its going to taste like a bag of black licorice exploded in your mouth.
11:10
Chiarello isnt wearing a 3/4-sleeve sweater, but his pullover sleeves are rolled up to just under the elbow. Does that count?
11:09
Coffee procured! Urge to kill ... fading.
11:04
So far, this is an onion- and beet-heavy show. Not kid food, apparently. In first grade, either of those words would have thrown me into total gag lex failure.
11:01
THE SHOW: Easy Entertaining
THE HOST: Michael Chiarello
THE CONCEPT: "Formal fare in your formalwear." Clever boy.
10:59
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: a shocking 0
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: good - salad and tamales are pretty cheap
HEALTH QUOTIENT: nada, though points for trying with the salad
VERDICT: 7/10, for gratuitous shots of blending.
10:55
Emerils jacket has remained perfectly clean through the entire show, despite making salad, mac and cheese, tamales con queso, and cheesecake. No mess at all. I would look like Pizza the Hut after a day like that.
10:52
Have you seen the ice cream sandwich bench? Its $950, though if Trading Spaces has taught me anything, you can make it at home with $15.62 and a bedsheet.
10:49
Can I tell you how much I love it when Emeril adds alcohol to recipes? Everyone in the audience cheers like crazy, as if to say, "WOO! This flan is gonna get us totally sploshed!"
10:46
Holly from Ohio is the next winner of Emerils Say Cheese contest, and she has a very, very red kitchen. Like, all her appliances and countertops are a fiery crimson. Wouldnt that make you angry when youre cooking? Like youre in Hells Kitchen? "Dont TALK TO ME when Im making CHEESECAKE, DAMMIT!"
10:43
Time for a multiple choice question! What kind of degree does Doc Gibbs have?
A) Funkiness MD
B) A PhD in smoothosity
C) A doctorate in jazz hands
D) Gastroenterology
10:40
As Emeril rolls his second tamale, I find my mind wandering to faraway places. Like Morocco. Were fez hats just decorative, or did they have a purpose? They dont shade the eyes or protect the head very well, so Im figuring they were invented for aesthetic purposes. In a related story, I think its time for some coffee.
10:37
Another ugly-but-delicious food: ried beans. We can all agree it looks like baby puke, right?
10:33
Emeril is making tamales con queso, and keeps asking for "lahwd." I wondered why he would be using the lord in his cooking, until it occurred to me that hes saying "lard."
10:32
Food Network Drinking Game, Rule #437: take a shot every time you wonder how a food show can pay for a full band. Youll be sploshed inside an hour.
10:30
Re: Emerils accent. Hes from Boston, right? Because it sounds so Brooklyn sometimes, I imagine him selling me knockoff sunglasses on the corner by the Halal Chinese Food place.
10:27
Emeril is stirring white-gray crabmeat into a yellow-gray macaroni and cheese mixture. You know that scene in Empire Strikes Back, when Han makes Luke a bed out of TonTon intestines? It looks like that. Which is okay, because sometimes ugly food is the best food. (See: eggplant.)
10:23
Bathroom dilemma, solved. Thank god for commercials. Did you guys need to know that? Also of note: my computer is resting on a hummus tub so the bottom wont overheat. In Brooklyn, we work with what we have, folks.
10:20
Augh! The vertical rotisserie ad is back so "Dad" can school us some more. I think Ive found my nemesis for the day.
10:18
Emeril is both a "spoon guy" and a "whisk fan." Can you be both? Is that like rooting for the Yankees and the Mets?
10:16
Emeril is running a "Say Cheese" recipe contest. Pam from Maryland is a winner, and she reminds me of every nurse or teachers assistant Ive ever met. Pam is using crab in her macaroni and cheese, which "kicks [it] up to notches unknown." NOTCHES UNKNOWN.
10:11
Speaking of golf, what happens now that Tiger is in the permanent doghouse? I imagine curling will finally have its day as THE sport for people who dont like sudden movements.
10:08
Were watching a split screen of the blonde mom and Emeril blending a dressing. Its still more interesting than golf.
10:06
First tip, from an at-home video segment with a blonde mom: "Never walk away from your pine nuts." Truer words, never spoken. How many times have I set them to toast and sniffed the air three minutes later all like, "Whats burning?"
10:05
The theme of the show is cheese. I can get behind this.
10:00
THE SHOW: Emeril Live!
THE HOST: Emeril Lagasse
THE CONCEPT: The godfather of TV cheffery hosts a cooking show in front of a live audience, says "BAM" a lot. Theres a band, too.
9:58
Nigella ends the show scarfing potatoes on a crimson couch by a roaring fire, while angels play smooth jazz in the background. This is a Luther Vandross video.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 1
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: nothing too expensive here
HEALTH QUOTIENT: Well let it slide. Its a Christmas show.
VERDICT: 10/10, for sexiness
9:54
Were up to fully loaded baked potatoes. Cooked by candlelight, naturally. Ive never been attracted to a potato before today, but somehow, Nigella is making them look sexy. Maybe because she just "splodged" them with sour cream, and now - I swear to god - is "forking them together."
9:52
Its not even time for Price is Right, and Nigellas guests are eating Christmas tree cakes and getting sploshed on espresso martinis. I want to go to there.
9:50
Her strata is (direct quote): "Like a toasted cheese sandwich, but a celestial one, as if eaten by angels." If heaven is filled with grilled cheese sandwiches, I will feel a lot better about death.
9:47
Unconsidered when planning 19-hour blogging marathon: when do I go to the bathroom?
9:45
Nigellas cake batter is "perfectly plain, but anything but austere." Husband-Elect just kissed me goodbye and went to work. Are these related somehow?
9:43
A Nigella haiku:
Oh, metric system
You make baking funny with
your grams and liters
9:40
"Let Dad school you with a vertical rotisserie." is a sentence I never hoped to hear, in a commercial or otherwise.
9:37
This entire show is candlelit and set to saxophone jazz. I think Food Network is trying to seduce me.
9:35
Nigellas casual vocabulary is my favorite. Shes making jam, and has described it as "fiery crimson" and "volcanically boiling." This is the stuff that goes with peanut butter, right?
9:32
Nigella is sploshing cider vinegar into sugar. I enjoy sploshing. Someday, I hope to splosh my way into college.
9:30
THE SHOW: Nigellas Christmas Kitchen
THE HOST: British cook/woman Id date if I went that way, Nigella Lawson
THE CONCEPT: homemade Christmas gifts
T-minus 24 minutes…
Most of this is just for fun, and to see how many ¾-sleeve sweaters I can spot, but I’ll also be keeping a close eye on how Food Network addresses the issues of health and frugality throughout the course of its normal schedule. This will involve a few holiday-oriented shows and possible multiple viewings of Paula’s Cookie Party, so don’t forget to cut ‘em some slack.
Feel free to chime in, too! I’ll be checking comments constantly, and highlighting my favorites as we go along. Criticism is good as long as its not personal or too mean. Funny is encouraged.
P.S. As with the BL Liveblog, this will go backwards, with the most recent commentary appearing up top.
1:59
On to Part II - 2:01pm to 7:00pm!
1:58
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: zero
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: er ... pretty low
HEALTH QUOTIENT: um ... also low
VERDICT: 10/10. Its Ina, and dissent will not be tolerated.
1:57
Jeffrey is playing a trick on Ina, to make her think he ate all the food. This is cruel and unnecessary. Also, I dont know how to spell "unnecessary."
1:51
The lobster pies were just dubbed "rustic." In cooking, is "rustic" a synonym for "messy"? If so, my apartment is very rustic.
1:49
Ina wants us to place pastry dough in the fridge for 30 minutes "to chill and relax." Unmentioned: "to light up some doobage and listen to Steve Miller albums on shuffle."
1:42
She is now making lobster pot pies. I was taught to appreciate fresh-from-the-animal lobster meat from a very young age, and always hesitate to use it in any recipe. I mean, what if I mess it up? And why would I want to dilute lobster flavor? But Im going with this, Ina. I trust you. Be caul with my heart.
1:40
Ina is visiting her fishmonger. I like to picture her being personal friends with her various mongers, and at the end of every year, they all have a giant monger party. Where they mong out, presumably.
1:36
Ina is wearing a black button-down instead of her usual denim one. If youre not a regular viewer, this means nothing to you, but if you are, its a plot twist on par with The Sixth Sense.
1:34
Husband-Elect, are you reading this? If so, can we go to Inas kitchen for our honeymoon? I will let you have the Gandalf ice carving if you say yes.
1:32
Shes making chocolate gelato. For Jeffrey, of course. CURSE YOU, JEFFREY!
1:31
THE SHOW: Baoot Contessa! WOOOO!
THE HOST: the lovely Ina Garten
THE CONCEPT: incredible food served by a woman you want to hang out with ALL THE TIME
1:28
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 0, though the sleeves of her regular sweater were rolled up
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: high
HEALTH QUOTIENT: negative numbers
VERDICT: 7/10, for too many "yummos
1:26
On a related note, do you ever wonder if RR narrates her everyday movements when shes at home? "Well, Im goin to pick up my toothpaste like this. Awesome! Then Im going to grab my toothbrush like this. Yummo! Now Im gonna bring it up to my mouth, and run it back and forth across my teeth. All right! And we end by spitting the froth into the sink. Big finish!"
1:21
Toffee Hot Cocoa was just described as "SUPER delicious." Just once, I want a TV chef to say, "You know what? Its a broccoli recipe. It tastes slightly better than burlap, but if we dont get some veggies in our diets, well die."
1:19
Rachael is excellent at remaining upbeat. When youre makin TV, its really, really tough to turn on the cheer when youre not feeling it. But she manages. I dig that.
1:14
A haiku for Rachael:
You carry so much
but is that nutmeg ever
a burden too heavy?
1:11
Were having "ahh-some wanh-ffles" here everybody, but not before we eyeball the molasses.
1:06
Whenever RR asks us to "eyeball" something, I picture pouring the item (fennel, cloves, oil, etc.) on our actual eyeballs. This is not the intended meaning, I understand, but ... need more coffee.
1:03
Rachael is making sausage, and her accent ("sah-sidge") is making me miss my friends in Rochester and Buffalo. (*sniff*) You guys, lean ground chicken breast reminds me of you.
1:00
THE SHOW: 30-Minute Meals
THE HOST: Rachael Ray
THE CONCEPT: A nice woman from Western New York makes a meal in an unmentioned allotment of time.
12:59
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 1 (You can always count on Giada.)
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: medium; risotto is cheaper than you think
HEALTH QUOTIENT: pretty low
VERDICT: 10/10, for much-appreciated gratuitous use of champagne
12:57
For dessert, its Raspberry Limoncello Champagne and an Espresso Panna Cotta. Forget plain ol pregnancy. These will get you a Duggar-style reality show on TLC.
12:51
I love that PR folks think well enough of CHG to send us offers, but ... uh ... my name is Kristen. Not Christine. And I dont have kids. And I hate mayonnaise. Just sayin.
12:48
Champagne Risotto with Asparagus is Gs next date night recipe. (P.S. The theme of this show is "Date Night." Now you know.) Served with Chiarellos Peppermint Chocolate Tiramisu and Nigellas Espresso Martini, there is a 100% chance you will be pregnant by the end of the night.
12:46
This is the 37 millionth time the Le Cordon Bleu commercial is airing, and its only 12:46. If I hear, "Get your career cooking ... LITERALLY!" one more time, I will literally jump through the TV and broil that guy.
12:42
Giadas "this is so good" claw: check.
Giadas tasting O-face: check.
Still waiting for first pronunciation of "pan-CHET-tha."
12:37
Giada is frying some oysters. When shes done, they will be "sweet and tender, which is how your date will act after he eats them." I assume this means my date will also be breaded and covered in marinara sauce.
12:34
My Ma is as Irishiest of Irish ladies, but insists on pronouncing Latin and Italian foods as they would be in the native language. This means "mozzarella" is "mooz-a-dell" and "parmesan" is "parrrr-mi-jhan." Giada also does this. Giada is my Ma.
12:32
Giada starts out with panna cotta, or translated, "theres a cot in my pan."
12:31
THE SHOW: Everyday Italian
THE HOST: Giada DeLaurentiis
THE CONCEPT: Hot, talented chef makes authentic Italian dishes and funny tasting faces.
12:29
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 0, though her blouse has shorter sleeves, yall
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: high, yall
HEALTH QUOTIENT: super, super low, yall
VERDICT: 9/10, for gentility, yall
12:23
Gingerbread Michael (Paulas husband) has white chest hair, a mohawk, and appears to be wearing a diaper. How does Real Michael feel about this?
12:19
Edit - Paula is making gingerbread men AND women. Later, they will create gingerbread babies together, unless they use gingerbread prophylactics.
12:12
Paulas making Gingerbread Men, and "when we come back, Im gonna show you how we bring these little [guys] to life." This is going to involve lightning and tiny brain transplants, isnt it?
12:06
Analogy time!
Paula Deen is to Fantasy Grandma as George Clooney is to _______.
A) Fantasy Boyfriend
B) Fantasy Shortstop
C) Fantasy Island
12:04
How you can tell this is an early episode: wrinkles, natural lighting, no cackling, zero appearances by Bobby and Jamie. I miss the cackling, yall.
12:02
Butter count: 1 stick so far.
12:00
THE SHOW: Paulas Home Cooking
THE HOST: Paula Deen, yall!
THE CONCEPT: Today, its cookies. But most days, its butter. Just butter.
11:59
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 0 (it was full-length)
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: high - nothing was outrageous
HEALTH QUOTIENT: very low - I question serving some of these to kids as dinner
VERDICT: 6/10, for questionable usage of vessels
11:58
Robin blended strawberries and yogurt, and I thought for sure it was going to be a smoothie. But she poured it in a bowl, so now its a soup. If she poured it in a votive glass, would it be a candle?
11:52
Chopping montage! In general, wouldnt cooking would be much more awesome if all our chopping was set to Michael Jackson? Here, try it.
11:50
Good tip from Robin: make vinaigrettes and dressings in the bottom of the salad bowl, then toss everything afterward.
11:45
Once and for all: is cumin pronounced "keeyou-min" or "coo-min"?
11:43
Weve moved on to Mexican fondue, meaning cheese, spinach, artichokes, and salsa melted together. Im still deciding how I feel about this. Also: "take it to a whole new level" should be retired permanently, as should "outside the box."
11:36
Robin is having a tough time lifting her skillet. I can relate, having the upper body strength of a fetal chihuahua.
11:32
Robin is searing some scallops, and she just poured a dang gallon of olive oil into a large skillet. Look, I know olive oil is one of the healthier cooking fats, but 1/4 cup per serving doesnt do anyone any good. (Now getting off my high horse before I hurt myself.)
11:31
THE SHOW: Quick Fix Meals
THE HOST: Robin Miller
THE CONCEPT: Week-long dinners for busy families, with Oprah-esque theme song.
11:30
End of show. How you know: the wine comes out, and Mike changes into a red t-shirt under a charcoal grey blazer. Very Napa.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 1/2
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: low
HEALTH QUOTIENT: low
VERDICT: 8/10, for Peppermint Chocolate Tiramisu and general attractiveness
11:27
Why dont the Food Network hosts ever wash their own pots and pans? They should have a show made up entirely of Ina Garten and Bobby Flay doing dishes. I guarantee it would be a ratings winner.
11:23
He just poured about a cup of red wine into risotto, making it look like brains. Delicious, delicious brains. Again, the ugly/tasty paradox has been proven.
11:19
While I like Michael Chiarello, he suffers a bit from John Kerry Syndrome: you know hes totally great at what he does, but you dont necessarily want to have a beer with him.
11:15
Food Network Drinking Game, Rule #5739: Drink whenever a host claims he/she is "going somewhere," "checking the market out," or "has some errands to run" during the commercial break. We know you need more than four minutes to hit up the orchard, Chiarello.
11:13
Up next: a Peppermint Chocolate Tiramisu. I have never heard a finer collection of words. (P.S. Did you know "tiramisu" means "pick me up"? Me neither. Thanks, Mike!)
11:12
Currently, hes adding a TON of ground fennel to already fennel-heavy roast. Moderate amounts of fennel are always appreciated, but this looks like its going to taste like a bag of black licorice exploded in your mouth.
11:10
Chiarello isnt wearing a 3/4-sleeve sweater, but his pullover sleeves are rolled up to just under the elbow. Does that count?
11:09
Coffee procured! Urge to kill ... fading.
11:04
So far, this is an onion- and beet-heavy show. Not kid food, apparently. In first grade, either of those words would have thrown me into total gag lex failure.
11:01
THE SHOW: Easy Entertaining
THE HOST: Michael Chiarello
THE CONCEPT: "Formal fare in your formalwear." Clever boy.
10:59
End of show.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: a shocking 0
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: good - salad and tamales are pretty cheap
HEALTH QUOTIENT: nada, though points for trying with the salad
VERDICT: 7/10, for gratuitous shots of blending.
10:55
Emerils jacket has remained perfectly clean through the entire show, despite making salad, mac and cheese, tamales con queso, and cheesecake. No mess at all. I would look like Pizza the Hut after a day like that.
10:52
Have you seen the ice cream sandwich bench? Its $950, though if Trading Spaces has taught me anything, you can make it at home with $15.62 and a bedsheet.
10:49
Can I tell you how much I love it when Emeril adds alcohol to recipes? Everyone in the audience cheers like crazy, as if to say, "WOO! This flan is gonna get us totally sploshed!"
10:46
Holly from Ohio is the next winner of Emerils Say Cheese contest, and she has a very, very red kitchen. Like, all her appliances and countertops are a fiery crimson. Wouldnt that make you angry when youre cooking? Like youre in Hells Kitchen? "Dont TALK TO ME when Im making CHEESECAKE, DAMMIT!"
10:43
Time for a multiple choice question! What kind of degree does Doc Gibbs have?
A) Funkiness MD
B) A PhD in smoothosity
C) A doctorate in jazz hands
D) Gastroenterology
10:40
As Emeril rolls his second tamale, I find my mind wandering to faraway places. Like Morocco. Were fez hats just decorative, or did they have a purpose? They dont shade the eyes or protect the head very well, so Im figuring they were invented for aesthetic purposes. In a related story, I think its time for some coffee.
10:37
Another ugly-but-delicious food: ried beans. We can all agree it looks like baby puke, right?
10:33
Emeril is making tamales con queso, and keeps asking for "lahwd." I wondered why he would be using the lord in his cooking, until it occurred to me that hes saying "lard."
10:32
Food Network Drinking Game, Rule #437: take a shot every time you wonder how a food show can pay for a full band. Youll be sploshed inside an hour.
10:30
Re: Emerils accent. Hes from Boston, right? Because it sounds so Brooklyn sometimes, I imagine him selling me knockoff sunglasses on the corner by the Halal Chinese Food place.
10:27
Emeril is stirring white-gray crabmeat into a yellow-gray macaroni and cheese mixture. You know that scene in Empire Strikes Back, when Han makes Luke a bed out of TonTon intestines? It looks like that. Which is okay, because sometimes ugly food is the best food. (See: eggplant.)
10:23
Bathroom dilemma, solved. Thank god for commercials. Did you guys need to know that? Also of note: my computer is resting on a hummus tub so the bottom wont overheat. In Brooklyn, we work with what we have, folks.
10:20
Augh! The vertical rotisserie ad is back so "Dad" can school us some more. I think Ive found my nemesis for the day.
10:18
Emeril is both a "spoon guy" and a "whisk fan." Can you be both? Is that like rooting for the Yankees and the Mets?
10:16
Emeril is running a "Say Cheese" recipe contest. Pam from Maryland is a winner, and she reminds me of every nurse or teachers assistant Ive ever met. Pam is using crab in her macaroni and cheese, which "kicks [it] up to notches unknown." NOTCHES UNKNOWN.
10:11
Speaking of golf, what happens now that Tiger is in the permanent doghouse? I imagine curling will finally have its day as THE sport for people who dont like sudden movements.
10:08
Were watching a split screen of the blonde mom and Emeril blending a dressing. Its still more interesting than golf.
10:06
First tip, from an at-home video segment with a blonde mom: "Never walk away from your pine nuts." Truer words, never spoken. How many times have I set them to toast and sniffed the air three minutes later all like, "Whats burning?"
10:05
The theme of the show is cheese. I can get behind this.
10:00
THE SHOW: Emeril Live!
THE HOST: Emeril Lagasse
THE CONCEPT: The godfather of TV cheffery hosts a cooking show in front of a live audience, says "BAM" a lot. Theres a band, too.
9:58
Nigella ends the show scarfing potatoes on a crimson couch by a roaring fire, while angels play smooth jazz in the background. This is a Luther Vandross video.
3/4-SLEEVE SWEATERS: 1
FRUGALITY QUOTIENT: nothing too expensive here
HEALTH QUOTIENT: Well let it slide. Its a Christmas show.
VERDICT: 10/10, for sexiness
9:54
Were up to fully loaded baked potatoes. Cooked by candlelight, naturally. Ive never been attracted to a potato before today, but somehow, Nigella is making them look sexy. Maybe because she just "splodged" them with sour cream, and now - I swear to god - is "forking them together."
9:52
Its not even time for Price is Right, and Nigellas guests are eating Christmas tree cakes and getting sploshed on espresso martinis. I want to go to there.
9:50
Her strata is (direct quote): "Like a toasted cheese sandwich, but a celestial one, as if eaten by angels." If heaven is filled with grilled cheese sandwiches, I will feel a lot better about death.
9:47
Unconsidered when planning 19-hour blogging marathon: when do I go to the bathroom?
9:45
Nigellas cake batter is "perfectly plain, but anything but austere." Husband-Elect just kissed me goodbye and went to work. Are these related somehow?
9:43
A Nigella haiku:
Oh, metric system
You make baking funny with
your grams and liters
9:40
"Let Dad school you with a vertical rotisserie." is a sentence I never hoped to hear, in a commercial or otherwise.
9:37
This entire show is candlelit and set to saxophone jazz. I think Food Network is trying to seduce me.
9:35
Nigellas casual vocabulary is my favorite. Shes making jam, and has described it as "fiery crimson" and "volcanically boiling." This is the stuff that goes with peanut butter, right?
9:32
Nigella is sploshing cider vinegar into sugar. I enjoy sploshing. Someday, I hope to splosh my way into college.
9:30
THE SHOW: Nigellas Christmas Kitchen
THE HOST: British cook/woman Id date if I went that way, Nigella Lawson
THE CONCEPT: homemade Christmas gifts
T-minus 24 minutes…
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